Sleep Deficit.

Man, I feel like I've been fighting this super up-hill battle trying to get back on track after Nationals. The biggest disruption was the fact that I stayed up all night the evening of our departure. I knew it was a bad a idea but our shuttle to the airport was coming at 4am and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to play a fun multiplayer variant with a member of Wizards of the Coast (the company that makes Magic). After reading Kelly's article that I linked to last time I can say it was worth it.

But trying to catch up on sleep again, and get my workouts in, and working extra hours (It's like everyone at work needs coverage this week) it's been super frustrating. I feel like I need to become a hermit for a few days and just tell everyone to fuck off while I get back into routine. Sadly I can't really do that for the biggest time suck, which is work.

On the flip side, getting back to PCP diet has felt amazing. It was next to impossible to follow the plan to the letter while I was in KC. Aside from one deviation ($180 dinner for three) I don't think I really ever ate anything that wasn't PCP approved, I just was not really able to way all my portions exactly. But I put in the effort to avoid eating the crappy convention food and mostly stuck to things like grilled salmon salads from the restaurant and stuff like that. It actually wasn't that hard to eat reasonably healthy as long as I payed attention.

Because of the sleep deficit it's been next to impossible to drag my ass out of bed in time to get my jumps in. Also, I don't get home from work until like 7 or sometimes closer to 8 at night, at which point I'm super tired from work on top of lack of sleep. It makes it hard to find the effort to both make dinner and work out. Though, last night I said fuck it and pushed through my work out at 1am and actually found that when I was done I was wide awake and actually got a couple of emails and stuff done. Though that didn't really help my sleep situation much.

Anyway, slowly climbing back into the routine. I'm going to try and go to bed early tonight and get plenty of sleep. I hate how skipping one night of sleep follows you for days. It's not something I noticed before, mostly I think cause I was never listening to my body this closely.

Home sweet home.

Hey all, I'm back home now. I had a hell of a good time at nats, even though I didn't win anything. If you're interested you can actually read about some of the fun I had with Wizards of the Coast writer Kelly Digges in his article today: http://www.wizards.com/magic/magazine/article.aspx?x=mtg/daily/sf/49

I'm a little short on sleep right now though and have to get moving to work, but I will update later with details, I promise.

Salvation

Holy crap! Trying to stay on plan while at this convention has been a nightmare. First there's the food. I've been pretty much eating restaurent food since I landed. I've managed to mostly stick to stuff that I know is safe, but frequently it's been impossible. I have atleast been very mindful of what I am eating and avoided resorting to a meal of entirely grease. It doesn't help that at every turn I hear the "fuck it! I'm on vacation" excuse being bandied about.

Today though, my friend griffin and I finally went And found a grocery store and a farmer's market. So I loaded up on fruits and veggies and cooked shrimp. I'm probably just going to drink my eggs raw as we have no way to cook in our room. It makes managing protein pretty tough.

Mostly the biggest challenge stems from the fact that once I register for any of the tournaments I'm pretty much locked in for five or six hours with no more than a five or ten minute break here and there. Not a lot of time to find better food than whatever they are serving in the hall, which has been mostly crap.

Oh well, I ate a pepper PCP meal tonight and feel much better now. Now Ijust need to find the time. To get my workouts back on full track.

Travel time.

New pictures up today. The abs are starting to become quite visible. I'm psyched.

Also, today I fly out to Kansas City, MO to support my friend Aaron in the Magic: The Gathering National Championships. I'm also hoping to qualify via the Last Chance Qualifier (Meat Grinders) tournaments the day before the event. But if not there are lots of side events to play in including several pro tour qualifiers and grand prix trials. Wish me luck!

I'm definitely concerned about staying on the PCP while I'm traveling. The hotel where the event takes place (and where my friends and I are staying) has a fitness center so I'm not worried about finding places to workout, but sticking to the diet will be tough. Any advice from fellow traveling pcpers? I figure I can probably find a grocery store nearby and stock up on fresh veggies, breads, and maybe lunch meats for protein. Basically stick to a mostly raw diet probably as I'm sure I won't have access to cooking facilities. Or just order very basic meat dishes from the local restaurants.

I bought a ton of dried fruit for the plane ride so I'm not relying on their processed snacks.

Workout and Indulgence.

First a work out report:

I totally slacked on day 45 and 46. I was definitely in a slump. Combine that with my workout getting pushed until way late (think post midnight) I just didn't have much get up and go. I ended up skipping a couple of the exercises, adhering to Patrick's hierarchy of importance of course. I was also careful not to skip working the same muscles on both days. That is, I skipped my legs on day 45, so I made sure I at least hit those on 46. I do wonder, when faced with a late workout like that, which is, in theory, more important? The workout or sleep? My guess would be sleep, but I have to wonder.

Anyway, I have hopefully snapped out of said valley and really pushed the burn yesterday and today. That said, I always find it discouraging when I can't complete the sets as given to us on the workout sheet. In particular I struggle with push ups and pull ups. Friday's suggested 4 sets of 8-10 pull ups saw me actually doing 7 - 3 - 1 - Fail. I finished up the last set with inclined pull ups, but it's still disheartening. Also, doing push ups right after chest dips has forced me to go back to push ups on my knees for all but the first set. It seems my personal victory of 2 sets of 10 real pushups was short lived.

I have noticed, however, that other exercises have gotten smoother. Not easier, per se, just smoother. For example, our return to squats this week actually felt explosive the first time I did them. It felt like in the preceding week I had replaced my legs with bionic pistons.

Next up: Indulgence

I get my daily emails a day in advance in the evening. When I got "tomorrow's" email and saw that we get indulgence number 2, I decided to utilize it. I had just finished a day long magic tournament and was ready for dinner, but didn't feel like cooking. So I went to Kountry Kart Deli and ordered a large Rise and Shiner. I used to love these sandwiches. They were a staple of my Saturday Magic tournaments, even. This sandwich contained bacon, egg, cheese, and hash brown on a sub roll. Total grease bomb. I could not resist using my indulgence on one of these as I was walking home.

The first bite was amazingly delicious. It was every bit as good as I remembered. However, after about 5 bites, I started to get a headache. I shit you not. Only 5 bites in and it started to get to me. It was delicious, but my body immediately started giving me all the "this is not good for you" signals. I ate on anyway. By the time I finished it, my head hurt, and I felt kind of queasy, and very tired and sluggish. Basically, I felt hung over.

It actually really surprised me how quickly it set it. My PCP meals always leave me feeling full but energized and ready to be active. This just made me feel icky. Also, there were no veggies on it. By the time I got home I was ravenous for vegetable's... for food! I scarfed a half a cucumber. It was so refreshing and mad me feel a bit better. After about a half hour I managed the effort to tackle my work out too.

I still feel kinda woozy. So now I head to bed to hopefully sleep off this poor excuse for a meal. It was delicious and I could see myself enjoying maybe a half of one on occasion, but man, it feels like I've been drugged.

Amusing.

I found a piece of spam in my inbox today that started off like this:

"Dear Sebastian,

....if you want to lose weight (whether it's a lot or a little),
this is something I really think you ought to look into."

I had to laugh, as obviously it's gonna miss the mark with me. Continuing on:

"...That's because instead of relying on magic or super-human feats of willpower, this actually makes it easy for you to make the right food choices and get motivated to exercise.

So what is this tool?

It's clinical hypnosis in the form of a 4-CD set created
by a major league psychologist, Dr. Roberta Temes."

Man did this crack me up. The lengths people will go to to get "easy" results amazes me sometimes. Not that I don't think hypnosis has it's place as a valid practice, but I think I'll stick with my "superhuman feats of willpower" and hard work.

The valley of introspection.

I was reading Gwen's post upon the completion of her PCP today. What she had to say about loneliness really struck home for me.

I tend to identify very strongly with the communities that I'm a part of. In college I had my friends from my dorms, I had my friends from Magic, I had my World of Warcraft guildies (I consider those friendships just as real as the ones in meat space). In Peace Corps I had my villagers, and I had the PC/NGO community. Now I have my Magic community (again) my friends from college, my coworkers. All of these communities very much influence my identity. The Magic Seabass is a little bit different from the work Seabass, who's different from college Seabass, etc.

My point is that while I anchored myself in these communities, I still move between them. No one group of people sees the full me. More importantly, other parts of myself will eventually creep in and, I feel, put at a distance from those around me. Inevitably, the loneliness creeps in. Sometimes it can be quite depressing.

I think I'm starting to figure out how it works. Basically, there's some part of me that is not content to just carry on. I push for change, either in myself or my surroundings. Most of the communities I fit into revolve around something fairly constant. Obviously that's what binds us together. But I keep doing something or introducing something that changes me profoundly, causes me to grow suddenly in some wild direction, while those around me grow together in some steady direction and pace. It all means I never feel like I quite fit in.

Peace Corps was one of these profound changes and I've never felt quite at home since I've been back. I was actually apprehensive about starting PCP because I was afraid that it would change me equally drastically (and I think so far it is having that effect). I'll stop beating around the bush and admit that a lot of this has to do with relationships. When I left Peace Corps I had been dating a fellow volunteer who is an amazing human being. She definitely thought about things on the same level that I did, but she was different enough from me in so many ways that it really brought out parts of me that don't often come out. Good parts.

Needless to say we are not in a relationship anymore, but since I've been back I have had tremendous difficulty in meeting women who I can really connect with on that sort of level. (For those of you who listen, this is exactly what Gwen and Patrick were talking about in Zen is Stupid this week.) There's already a fairly small subset of people who would even consider PCP. By completing it, am I putting myself further out on some obscure branch only to look back at everyone still clinging to the trunk? By adding another layer, am I making it that much harder for myself to find true companionship with another human being? The kind of companionship that comes from shared experience and understanding?

I don't know. But I know that it's lonely out where I have to decline invite's to hang out because "I still have to work out and make my food for tomorrow." Honestly, it doesn't feel like a chore. That's what I want to do. But it's also lonely.

This post has gone on more than long enough and has put into type more than I anticipated. I'll post it now before I decide it's too open. This is the kind of introspection the valleys bring out in me.

Side effect?

Does anyone else find they've been extra gassy since starting pcp? I seem to just fart a lot more. I's this a consequence of the diet perhaps?

Just wanted to put that out there.

Early Morning

Thanks Patrick for the tip on early morning jump ropes. For the early part of the project I was getting up to at least get my jump ropes in before lunch, but I was slacking for the last couple of weeks. With that extra little push of motivation I've been able to get up and do them first thing again. I like it that way because in addition to them being the secret tech, it get's me energized for the day.

I have to say, it amazes me how Patrick's emails are almost always exactly what I needed to hear, or what I was going to ask about, on that day. Seriously, uncanny. It makes them fantastic motivators.

Another great motivator, a couple weeks ago a couple of my friends told me they were considering doing a PCP. I don't know if I believe they will actually sign up, but one of them has already started adding parts of our workout to his normal routine, especially the jump ropes. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Though it didn't stop there. That evening we were discussing the PCP and they had me show off some of my new muscles. One person told me, with full sincerity "I've been working out for about 3 years, and I have not seen the results you've had in 3 weeks." I was floored. And that was 3 weeks ago.

Space.

I cleaned my room today. This may not seem important or PCP related, but it is. Space is important. The spaces we inhabit reflect on us, and influence us. For the last several weeks my room has been incredibly cluttered. The debris of my business covering every possible surface and filling every nook. It's no wonder I felt like I had no space in my schedule when I had no space in my space. Hopefully by taking control of my surroundings I'll feel more in control of my time and feel more on top of managing PCP, work, magic, and all the various social/personal obligations that fill in the gaps.

This new control starts now with me going to bed before midnight!

Peace.

Apparently we are saving ourselves.

http://science.slashdot.org/story/09/07/12/216240/Swine-Flu-Kills-Obese-People-Disproportionally

Workout tunes.

For a while I was listening to some of Scott Sigler's audiobooks during my jump ropes. But yesterday I discovered the Radio Three Sixty podcast. It's tag line is "Music for Strange Moments" and it's perfect. I can't really explain what the music is except cool, but here's their sort of mission statement page. Either way, I dig it. Whatever you want to call it. Check it out.

Internet's back.

Also, Lunch:

A little chicken breast, some lightly sauteed vegetables with garlic, basil, and some other tasty spices, and all on a bed of spicy rice. Plus some left over potato.

The system is down.

Just want to let you all know that my Internet has been down since yesterday morning. Eight now I'm just using the wi fi at a local cafe on my iPod touch. Turns out it makes a fine substitute laptop, though obviously not great for long-form writing, so I'll keep this short.

Workouts are going pretty well, though for some unexplainable reason I haven't been feeling wiped out at the end like I was for a while. I think I need to just step up te intensity and push through it a little bit faster. I may be resting a little bit too long. I will keep you all updated, especially when my intarwebs are working again.

I will say it's been kind of nice not having the web in the house though. Gets me back into myself like I was in the peace corps. It's too easy to loose your sense of place when you are connected to the global consciousness.

Fear the daa addiction. It is a real thing.

WTB moar hrs/day. PST THX

(Translation of above WoW trade slang) I would like to buy more hours in the day. Please let me know if you can make this happen. Thanks.

Choice vs Temptation

Today was tough with the unscheduled bouncing from party to party. I feel like I managed to stay on diet for the most part though. All except for two things. I had a very very small amount of strawberry daiquiri (which except for the rum was actually totally PCP safe) and I had a cookie.

I thought long and hard about this cookie. It was a bacon and chocolate chip cookie baked by one of my coworkers. The offering of the cookie in the first place was a catalyst for a conversation about PCP and what it is that I am doing. I explained about my diet and everything, and how there was nothing good in that cookie, nutritionally speaking. Some of my co-workers sympathized and encouraged me to stay on plan. Others saw it as a fun game to try and persuade me to eat the cookie. In a way, I feel like I beat them both.

I did not give in right away to the tempters. Rather I presented many arguments against the cookie and actually resisted temptation the entire time they were vocal. However, later in the party. I chose to eat one cookie. I think that is important that I resisted, and then made the conscious choice to try the cookie. What is the point of getting into peak health if it doesn't mean I can't enjoy the occasional and unconventional treat when it presents itself.

All weekend I have been tempted by BBQ, and greasy fries, and fried dough and such at various July 4th events. All of it called to me. All of it I resisted. But this bacon and chocolate cookie intrigued me enough that I chose this one instance to deviate from the plan and try something new that I had not encountered before. And I only ate one.

Does this count as cheating? Probably. But I feel like I demonstrated the level of control over my food choices that the PCP is about. I think this is what Patrick expects us to get out of our indulgence experiences (Though I already had my indulgence with popcorn at Transformers 2). It's like, after resisting to a point, I was no longer "giving in" but rather "choosing to enjoy" something that I knew was bad for me physically, but made my taste buds extremely happy.

Also, the Daiquiri was made by my boss, so I couldn't refuse totally :-P.

Back Satan!

Update: I sucked it up and did my workout. I resisted the temptation to let myself down by wussing out. Damn you Patrick and your motivational emails. I mean, thank you for helping me not be a lazy bum and crap out on my exercises. I will do the jump ropes after 3rd of July firworks (those are easy and fun and I would not be able to sleep if I missed them).

Vicious cycles.

I really like working out in the morning. I don't feel like I'm squeezing it in, it gets me pumped for the day, it's a peaceful time of day, and it doesn't loom over me all day (not that I don't want to do it, but it lurks as this extra hour of stuff I still have to do before I can sleep). Lately though I've been stuck in this vicious circle where I stay up late for a random reason, which means I sleep a little later, so I can't work out. However, most days of the week, the next chance I get to myself if not until like 10pm or later. So I stay up until midnight or even 1am working out, which means I can't get up early the next day, and so on and so forth. It's kinda sucked.

Well, last night I forgot to take my ADD meds before bed, so it wasn't until 11am that I even came close to getting out of bed. Now clearly my body needed the extra sleep, which is fine. But without my meds I am only capable of moving at the speed of an arthritic slug for about the first hour of my day. Seriously, getting up and taking a crap takes a lot of willpower. So needless to say I did not get to my work out this morning. Now, somehow, I managed to pull or strain something in my neck during the first hour just while eating breakfast/sitting at my computer. I'm going to try and get the jumpropes in (if my neck stops hurting), but I think in the interest of getting myself back on a good cycle I'm going to postpone today's workout and do it on Sunday.

I hate it when I basically scrap a morning like this. I feel like it's the one part of the day I reliably have just to myself. Sleeping in and being super groggy has also thrown off my diet for the day as I basically skipped straight to lunch. All in all, today is not a great day for PCP, but I will find the silver lining and take it as a "whoa, need to reset the cycles" day. Take it easy, and catch up on stuff. I'll try and get all my grams in too, but they may be a little differently distributed, making up stuff with later snacks/meals, etc.

Still here. More to come.

I'm still here and going strong. Fascinating interview on NPR with the guy that Matthew linked from the NYT the other day. I may have to buy his book.

I have a post about some very positive feedback I've gotten lately, but I've been busy. Look for it tonight.