Amusing.

I found a piece of spam in my inbox today that started off like this:

"Dear Sebastian,

....if you want to lose weight (whether it's a lot or a little),
this is something I really think you ought to look into."

I had to laugh, as obviously it's gonna miss the mark with me. Continuing on:

"...That's because instead of relying on magic or super-human feats of willpower, this actually makes it easy for you to make the right food choices and get motivated to exercise.

So what is this tool?

It's clinical hypnosis in the form of a 4-CD set created
by a major league psychologist, Dr. Roberta Temes."

Man did this crack me up. The lengths people will go to to get "easy" results amazes me sometimes. Not that I don't think hypnosis has it's place as a valid practice, but I think I'll stick with my "superhuman feats of willpower" and hard work.

The valley of introspection.

I was reading Gwen's post upon the completion of her PCP today. What she had to say about loneliness really struck home for me.

I tend to identify very strongly with the communities that I'm a part of. In college I had my friends from my dorms, I had my friends from Magic, I had my World of Warcraft guildies (I consider those friendships just as real as the ones in meat space). In Peace Corps I had my villagers, and I had the PC/NGO community. Now I have my Magic community (again) my friends from college, my coworkers. All of these communities very much influence my identity. The Magic Seabass is a little bit different from the work Seabass, who's different from college Seabass, etc.

My point is that while I anchored myself in these communities, I still move between them. No one group of people sees the full me. More importantly, other parts of myself will eventually creep in and, I feel, put at a distance from those around me. Inevitably, the loneliness creeps in. Sometimes it can be quite depressing.

I think I'm starting to figure out how it works. Basically, there's some part of me that is not content to just carry on. I push for change, either in myself or my surroundings. Most of the communities I fit into revolve around something fairly constant. Obviously that's what binds us together. But I keep doing something or introducing something that changes me profoundly, causes me to grow suddenly in some wild direction, while those around me grow together in some steady direction and pace. It all means I never feel like I quite fit in.

Peace Corps was one of these profound changes and I've never felt quite at home since I've been back. I was actually apprehensive about starting PCP because I was afraid that it would change me equally drastically (and I think so far it is having that effect). I'll stop beating around the bush and admit that a lot of this has to do with relationships. When I left Peace Corps I had been dating a fellow volunteer who is an amazing human being. She definitely thought about things on the same level that I did, but she was different enough from me in so many ways that it really brought out parts of me that don't often come out. Good parts.

Needless to say we are not in a relationship anymore, but since I've been back I have had tremendous difficulty in meeting women who I can really connect with on that sort of level. (For those of you who listen, this is exactly what Gwen and Patrick were talking about in Zen is Stupid this week.) There's already a fairly small subset of people who would even consider PCP. By completing it, am I putting myself further out on some obscure branch only to look back at everyone still clinging to the trunk? By adding another layer, am I making it that much harder for myself to find true companionship with another human being? The kind of companionship that comes from shared experience and understanding?

I don't know. But I know that it's lonely out where I have to decline invite's to hang out because "I still have to work out and make my food for tomorrow." Honestly, it doesn't feel like a chore. That's what I want to do. But it's also lonely.

This post has gone on more than long enough and has put into type more than I anticipated. I'll post it now before I decide it's too open. This is the kind of introspection the valleys bring out in me.

Side effect?

Does anyone else find they've been extra gassy since starting pcp? I seem to just fart a lot more. I's this a consequence of the diet perhaps?

Just wanted to put that out there.

Early Morning

Thanks Patrick for the tip on early morning jump ropes. For the early part of the project I was getting up to at least get my jump ropes in before lunch, but I was slacking for the last couple of weeks. With that extra little push of motivation I've been able to get up and do them first thing again. I like it that way because in addition to them being the secret tech, it get's me energized for the day.

I have to say, it amazes me how Patrick's emails are almost always exactly what I needed to hear, or what I was going to ask about, on that day. Seriously, uncanny. It makes them fantastic motivators.

Another great motivator, a couple weeks ago a couple of my friends told me they were considering doing a PCP. I don't know if I believe they will actually sign up, but one of them has already started adding parts of our workout to his normal routine, especially the jump ropes. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Though it didn't stop there. That evening we were discussing the PCP and they had me show off some of my new muscles. One person told me, with full sincerity "I've been working out for about 3 years, and I have not seen the results you've had in 3 weeks." I was floored. And that was 3 weeks ago.

Space.

I cleaned my room today. This may not seem important or PCP related, but it is. Space is important. The spaces we inhabit reflect on us, and influence us. For the last several weeks my room has been incredibly cluttered. The debris of my business covering every possible surface and filling every nook. It's no wonder I felt like I had no space in my schedule when I had no space in my space. Hopefully by taking control of my surroundings I'll feel more in control of my time and feel more on top of managing PCP, work, magic, and all the various social/personal obligations that fill in the gaps.

This new control starts now with me going to bed before midnight!

Peace.

Apparently we are saving ourselves.

http://science.slashdot.org/story/09/07/12/216240/Swine-Flu-Kills-Obese-People-Disproportionally

Workout tunes.

For a while I was listening to some of Scott Sigler's audiobooks during my jump ropes. But yesterday I discovered the Radio Three Sixty podcast. It's tag line is "Music for Strange Moments" and it's perfect. I can't really explain what the music is except cool, but here's their sort of mission statement page. Either way, I dig it. Whatever you want to call it. Check it out.