The end...or the beginning?

I've been trying to figure out how best to explain the after effects of the PCP. It's been a long and challenging road, though after the fact, it doesn't seem like it was that much. Standing on the other side, all the challenge portrayed in any of our blogs seems pretty small really. So, now that I am done, what has actually changed, and what has stayed the same.

My weight has not changed much. My weight before the project was 137lbs or 62.6Kg. After the project my weight is now about 143lbs or 64.9Kg. So not a whole lot of change there. What this tells me is that I was already pretty close to my ideal weight, though my body consistency has changed quite a bit. Actually, I've been pretty much in this weight range since high school. As Patrick has told us, we should fluctuate by about 5 lbs or so without much effort or concern.

Speaking of body make up, my muscles are much more clearly defined and there's definite areas that have bulked up such as my shoulders and arms. Patrick told me the other day that I look just like The Crow. It's funny, when I was a dorky little kid watching that movie in middle school (admiring Brandon Lee's body even then) I was pretty much convinced I would never look like that. Ever. Now, I feel like I look like a bad ass.

The most significant changes though, and what I appreciate the most, are the mental ones. I've been more or less eating like I used to the last couple of days, just to see how it feels. Honestly, after most meals or snacks I still feel hungry. Not like I'm not full, but hungry like I haven't actually eaten. I finish my meal but I still crave some fresh veggies or a couple of eggs. The processed food just doesn't satisfy.

I'm also starting to feel decidedly antsy not working out. I suspect that I'll end up jumping rope again tomorrow. I'm not avoiding exercise, I'm just seeing how it feels to go without again. Man, it's like an itch. It's ignorable right now, but I suspect by tomorrow or the next day it'll be unbearable. Like the longer I try to ignore it the worse it gets.

Things that are not the way they used to be:

I have a small bag of cookies sitting on my shelf, I haven't touched one since I ate just one. I was taking a 10 minute break from my studies, so I did 20 pushups. I was hungry for a late night snack the other day, so I ate a whole tomato.

Things that I'm excited to have back to the way they were:

Peanut butter.

Beans.

Humus.

Mocha.

Beer.

Things I could care less about having back:

Buffalo wings.

Baked sugary goods.

Getting Drunk.

Fried foods.

I feel like this way of seeing food was within me the whole time. My body knew what it really wanted. But our society presents us with so much temptation before we have erected the proper defense that my body doesn't stand a chance. I am so glad I found this project and Patrick and am immensely grateful to him for helping me to break that conditioning.

To all those that have offered encouragement during this project: Thank you so much. To those who tried to tempt me time and again: thank you for helping me without realizing it. To those who have been interested in the PCP: Do it if you feel up to it. It is one of the best things you will do. I hope this blog has and will serve as encouragement to change your own habits for the better.

And to my team mates. You guys kick ass. I could not have gotten through this if I didn't know that you were slogging it out down here with me. Seeing you struggle or triumph gave me the energy every day to press on, when on my own I would have let myself down. We can do anything we set our minds to and we know it. Most people never figure this out, never push themselves and never push past their limits. You all should be very proud.

Like Peace Corps before it, this has been one of those life altering experiences I will not forget, and will forever be changed by.

Thank you.