The Peak Condition Project - Sebastian Massey

PCP props

2009-09-17T21:11:00.001-04:00

True quote from the sales person at Olympia Sports when I went to replace my broken jump rope:

"I've never heard of anyone wearing through a jump rope that fast!"

Yeah, I felt like a badass.

One Final Thought

2009-09-03T09:10:00.003-04:00

Similarly to Peace Corps, I hear a lot of people talk about how much the PCP has changed them, or that they are a different person. I have done this myself. But I am reminded of something one of my best friends told me when she came to visit me in Niger. I had been in West Africa for about a year and a half at this point and I asked her if she could describe how I had changed since leaving the US. What she said after a few moments thought was this:

"You're different, but not really. If anything you seem more like yourself."

This was a girl who knew me probably better than I knew myself at the time and I think she was right. Peace Corps didn't make me a different person, but brought out parts of myself that I hadn't manifested before. Likewise, I was starting to be more fitness minded before the PCP, but now that healthy person that was buried down under years of Western conditioning is able to stand before you in full fit glory. I feel like I better exemplify my own internal image of myself. That is how PCP has changed me. It has made me into myself.

Thank you Patrick and Chen for creating such a wonderful project and thank you for helping us all to be ourselves.

Ok I'm done now I swear :-P

The end...or the beginning?

2009-09-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to figure out how best to explain the after effects of the PCP. It's been a long and challenging road, though after the fact, it doesn't seem like it was that much. Standing on the other side, all the challenge portrayed in any of our blogs seems pretty small really. So, now that I am done, what has actually changed, and what has stayed the same.

My weight has not changed much. My weight before the project was 137lbs or 62.6Kg. After the project my weight is now about 143lbs or 64.9Kg. So not a whole lot of change there. What this tells me is that I was already pretty close to my ideal weight, though my body consistency has changed quite a bit. Actually, I've been pretty much in this weight range since high school. As Patrick has told us, we should fluctuate by about 5 lbs or so without much effort or concern.

Speaking of body make up, my muscles are much more clearly defined and there's definite areas that have bulked up such as my shoulders and arms. Patrick told me the other day that I look just like The Crow. It's funny, when I was a dorky little kid watching that movie in middle school (admiring Brandon Lee's body even then) I was pretty much convinced I would never look like that. Ever. Now, I feel like I look like a bad ass.

The most significant changes though, and what I appreciate the most, are the mental ones. I've been more or less eating like I used to the last couple of days, just to see how it feels. Honestly, after most meals or snacks I still feel hungry. Not like I'm not full, but hungry like I haven't actually eaten. I finish my meal but I still crave some fresh veggies or a couple of eggs. The processed food just doesn't satisfy.

I'm also starting to feel decidedly antsy not working out. I suspect that I'll end up jumping rope again tomorrow. I'm not avoiding exercise, I'm just seeing how it feels to go without again. Man, it's like an itch. It's ignorable right now, but I suspect by tomorrow or the next day it'll be unbearable. Like the longer I try to ignore it the worse it gets.

Things that are not the way they used to be:

I have a small bag of cookies sitting on my shelf, I haven't touched one since I ate just one. I was taking a 10 minute break from my studies, so I did 20 pushups. I was hungry for a late night snack the other day, so I ate a whole tomato.

Things that I'm excited to have back to the way they were:

Peanut butter.

Beans.

Humus.

Mocha.

Beer.

Things I could care less about having back:

Buffalo wings.

Baked sugary goods.

Getting Drunk.

Fried foods.

I feel like this way of seeing food was within me the whole time. My body knew what it really wanted. But our society presents us with so much temptation before we have erected the proper defense that my body doesn't stand a chance. I am so glad I found this project and Patrick and am immensely grateful to him for helping me to break that conditioning.

To all those that have offered encouragement during this project: Thank you so much. To those who tried to tempt me time and again: thank you for helping me without realizing it. To those who have been interested in the PCP: Do it if you feel up to it. It is one of the best things you will do. I hope this blog has and will serve as encouragement to change your own habits for the better.

And to my team mates. You guys kick ass. I could not have gotten through this if I didn't know that you were slogging it out down here with me. Seeing you struggle or triumph gave me the energy every day to press on, when on my own I would have let myself down. We can do anything we set our minds to and we know it. Most people never figure this out, never push themselves and never push past their limits. You all should be very proud.

Like Peace Corps before it, this has been one of those life altering experiences I will not forget, and will forever be changed by.

Thank you.

Surprising thoughts at the end.

2009-08-29T20:10:00.002-04:00

So, while I myself have had nothing planned for this moment, it happens to coincided with a friends birthday. So I will be going to partake of tasty beverages and some probably unhealthy snacks. Also, it will be a party like the ones I haven't been to since pre PCP.

Here's the thing I've noticed. In anticipating this evening's festivities, a thought has entered my mind a few times that goes, literally: "I'm going to go to a bar and pay money to ingest poison, too much of which, will make me hate tomorrow. Man that seems dumb and no fun." This surprised me and is not at all how I used to think of alcohol. My mouth is still watering at the thought of a beer or a glass of bourbon, but the thought of being drunk is maybe the least appetizing thing imaginable right now.

Should be fun to see how the evening goes.

Day 90 The Magic - Part Three: Peak Condition Magic

2009-08-29T20:00:00.001-04:00

Well, here I am. Day 90 is in the bag. I have a lot that I want to reflect on and I don't expect to get it all out now. I think I'd like my day 90 post to be the 3rd part of my discussion on Magic, because it really ties it all together. But first a run down of today.

I went and did day one's workout. Took me under 10 minutes. That said, while they were easy, I did almost sort of start to get a burn on most of the exercises. See, since they were so easy, I found I was actually able to really focus on my form and isolate the muscles with incredible accuracy. The result being that these exercises, while easy and not really "work" still felt really good and fluid. Kind of like going back and playing a really easy song on guitar after you've challenged yourself for months. You find yourself adding little flourishes and being exceptionally fluid just because, well, you can now. It was still amazingly clear that I've come a long way since Day 1.

Now on with the Magic post.

I've talked about competitive vs casual players and how they perceive the game differently. What pushes competitive players to get better is drive. They have to want it. They have to be willing to put in the effort to get there. This is what makes them want to improve. But to actually improve they need confidence, but they also need humility.

First, confidence means they have already seen themselves victorious in their mind. They've seen how to get there. So, deep down, they know that they can be great. This is a great start. But to carry it further you also need to be humble. Just as strongly as they know they will be a great player, they also have to know that they are not there yet. At this point I should be clear. By great, I mean perfect. To really succeed you have to seek perfection. You have to seek Peak Condition.

This means acknowledging your mistakes. The sign of a driven player: they get upset when they loose. The hallmark of a player that will go far: when they loose they want to know why. Too many players blame their losses on luck, mana screw, or their opponent having better cards. As I've said before, these elements are there, but not as much as people want to believe. Most of the time, if you stop and look, you can find plays that you could have done differently to change the outcome of the game. That is what great players do. They own their mistakes, they don't make excuses, and they try to improve. They put in the work and the focus.

This sound familiar? What has Patrick always ranted about with people and health? They make excuses: no time, too much work, gyms are expensive, etc. PCPers, like great magic players, accept that we are not in Peak Condition, yet. But we have seen ourselves getting there, and we put in the effort. We looked not at how life had placed fitness beyond our reach, but rather what we could do differently. How can I eat better? How can I burn more calories and build muscle? What are my priorities? When the answer to the last question becomes physical fitness, then you are started down the right track. You just have to focus.

That is the last thing I want to talk about here. Focus. It's something I've been seeing pop up a lot lately. It is certainly an important part of PCP. The things we give up from our past lives attest to that. But for the last year or so it has been popping up in Magic theory a lot.

There are many elements to Magic: The Gathering game theory (card advantage, tempo, etc). They are all focused on ways to mechanically improve your game play. How to find the correct play in every circumstance. Many of the gurus seem to think that this part of theory has been pretty much figured out, and now it's down to arguing minute cases. However, many of these same gurus have lately been dropping focus into their articles. They emphasize the idea that if you are in the right mental state, the plays will come. Specifically Zac Hill has put it best: Focus on what matters right now.

This summer, with my efforts both in Magic and PCP have taught me the value of focus, and how it is always within my power to improve. You know what, it's all worked. I'm in the best shape of my life, and I really feel that my Magic playing is approaching the most competitive it's ever been. I came in the top 3 of my last two tournaments, just local ones, but 25 players each time. When you decide to make something your priority, and focus focus focus on it, then you really can exact phenomenal change in a short while. Take responsibility for your own success.

Day 89... why does this feel so familiar?

2009-08-28T22:42:00.003-04:00

So I'm spending the last couple of days of the Project up here in the woods of Northern Vermont. I'm really glad I came up here as I needed the dose of tranquility. I spent the afternoon walking around some beaver ponds and an old abandoned farm that I used to take kids up to in my days as a camp counselor. It was a welcome chance to try and still my mind from all the chaos of the last few months.

Life certainly has a way of keeping us busy if we let it. This summer I've been focused on the PCP and on my Magic playing. As the PCP has been winding down I've found myself wondering what I'm going to do now that I'm not on this fixed routine. Well, the answer came yesterday morning. I got a call saying I've been accepted to a graduate program at Champlain College. I start working towards my Masters of Science in Mediation on Monday. It'll be a shift from developing my body to developing my mind, and I'm psyched!

The workout today was a beating. But it was the best beating of my life. I really gave it my all, and I'm glad I did seeing as my workout tomorrow promises to be a peace of cake. Should be invigorating to see how far I've come. More than anything though. I'm nervous. It's kind of frightening to be standing here on the edge of completion (I know my name says complete on the PCP website, but that's only in Patrick Time so far) and knowing that after this point it's all on my own will power. I'll have no Patrick pushing my limits and no team mates encouraging and supporting me.

Oddly, the way I feel right now is all to familiar to me. It's almost exactly the way I felt about the end of my Peace Corps service. Excited for change, yet sad for such an influential time to end. And again, I find that I've once more engaged in an adventure that has distanced me from those I knew before. This time my world view hasn't changed so much, but my perception of fitness and food has radically transformed. I know that tomorrow night I can go out and go nuts on the town but honestly, I don't really want to. I mean, I'll probably have a beer (or maybe a glass of scotch...mmmm scotch) and maybe a sandwich or something at the pub, but get wasted? Pig out on cakes and deserts? No thanks.

Now I just need find globally conscious and fitness minded people to hang out with so I don't go nuts.

I should be in bed now.

2009-08-26T01:41:00.002-04:00

I have a lot I want to write about actually, but for some reason this week has decided to be as busy as the first week. Why is it that arguably two of the most important weeks of the project had to become super hectic?

Now that I've gotten used to the new super cushy running shoes for jump ropes, I have to say, get yourself a pair. I was able to get through all my jumps today without a micron of pain in my ankles, knees or shins. And I mean the bad pain, not the good burn. If you plan to keep jumping as a major part of your life, get the right shoes.

Kitchens and trees.

2009-08-25T01:10:00.003-04:00

I have to say, I am really learning to love the kitchen. Putting on some tunes (or an episode of radiolab) and prepping my food, or even just cleaning up after myself and putting things in order. It all has a kind of cathartic charm. That and the fact that as I've been forced to prepare all my meals for the last 3 months, I've gotten pretty comfy with my usual dishes and been becoming slowly more adventurous. Still not quite the master PCP chef that Shelby is though. She should give lessons.

Kitchening aside, these last few days have been rather stressful in terms of getting through PCP workouts, and the tax free holiday at work, and other random craziness. I'm contemplating heading up to my folk's house this weekend in the middle of the woods. It would be nice to complete the project away from the hustle and bustle of the "city" and somewhere where I can actually listen to myself.

Anywho, I should get to bed. Big day with the super sets tomorrow. Peace.

My energee is chemical free!

2009-08-23T00:38:00.004-04:00

Today was a tax free holiday in Vermont. That is to say, today no one was charged sales tax on any item under $2000. I work at a computer store. We have a lot of items that come really close to $2000. In short, it was a really long day. We took pre-orders all week (we had a stack thicker than a Harry Potter novel), and extended our hours to be open from 8am-10pm.

Why am I telling you this? Because I was surprised to realize towards the end of my 12-10 shift (10hrs for those keeping track) that while my coworkers were sucking down Redbull or coffee all day, I had not a drop of anything but water. I had some coffee around 9am after my workout, but that was it. And you know what, I felt like I was way less tired than all my coworkers looked. Also, despite the free pizza provided by my bosses, I stuck to my eggs, chicken, and veggies. I found that by the end of the shift, I even felt energized for my bike ride home. To the point where I took the longer way home with a couple more ups and downs...just for fun. No artificial chemical energy for me!

Also, I couldn't not take part in the madness. I may have bought myself a shiny new 13inch macbook pro. It is sexy.

New Shoes.

2009-08-22T10:27:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I bought a new pair of high end running shoes. I figure, if fitness is going to be something important to me, and particularly the jump ropes, from now on, I may as well invest in some quality equipment. I also feel like I have the knowledge and experience now to get what I need, and not just what is fancy and high tech. It's the same way you wait until you've been playing for a few months or years before you shell out for a top end guitar. By then you know in what ways your hand me down beater is letting you down. then you can go to the music store and play around and try different guitars and find the one that responds to you.

This was basically my mentality with the shoes. I've been getting some pain in my legs, so it was clear to me that I needed better footgear if I'm planning to continue this well past PCP. Also, I happen to live right behind an excellent bike/running shop. So I went over there this morning and they have a whole fitting process where they watch you walk and match you with the right type of shoe. Then you try on three or four different pairs and they video tape you running on a treadmill to see how the shoe effects your stride. Obviously, I did a bunch of jumping in the shoes too.

I gotta say, what a world of difference. Jumping/running in shoes with the appropriate support and padding was like night and day. And since I am very much aware of how my body moves now, I was actually able to distinguish the subtle differences in each shoe. I'm actually pretty excited to jump with them tomorrow. I may even start mixing it up with running and jumping once PCP is done. Either way, I feel like these were a solid investment.

It also gives me a monetary stake in keeping this up, much as I've said that the price of the PCP is a motivator, the price of the shoes will be a motivator to use them and keep active.

The Magic - Part Two

2009-08-21T14:31:00.002-04:00

Previously I talked about three levels of progression in terms of game play. In actuality this progression can really be applied to anything. The important part is that it is in the transition between these levels that the switch to a professional, or at least competitive, player happens. I think the best way to illustrate this is with some examples from my own progression. First though, in order to understand a lot of this a couple of quick facts about the game (this is so the non magic players can have any hope of following along).

The core mechanic of Magic is that you are casting spells and summoning creatures to attack (both represented by cards) in order to reduce your opponents life total from 20 to 0. To cast these spells (and summon creatures) you use a resource call mana (of which there are 5 different colors), which is produced from land cards. You can play one land per turn, and use (tap) each land you have to produce one mana a turn, which you spend to do things. The lands recharge or untap at the start of each turn. In addition, with the exception of these land cards (which usually make up about a third of your deck) you can only play up to four copies of each creature or spell. Since you are drawing one card off the top of your deck each turn, there is an element of luck to which cards you have access to on any given turn.

For most of my early magic playing days (middle school-high school) I had access to a fairly small amount of cards. Most of the cards I did have I only had one or two copies. So for the most part my friends and I built decks that were only loosely focused on a specific strategy. Mostly we would build a deck with our "best" cards and clash them against each other. Now, at this time our concept of "best" was more or lest equivalent to the biggest creatures or the flashiest of spells that had huge game swinging effects. So games were mostly decided by a combination of who had the most of these cards, and who drew them first. We were vaguely aware that there were strategies out there like using swarms of small easy to cast creatures, or building up lots of mana quickly to cast big spells before your opponent gets their act together, but mostly we just played cards and saw what happened and had fun.

When I went to college I stopped playing magic for a bit. Mostly, my first year atleast, I didn't know any one else who played. I had left all my high school friends back in Ohio. Sophomore year though I met some new friends and we discovered one day that we had all used to play, and so we pulled out our cards and played lots of fun multiplayer games. This time around though, we were all a little wiser, a little more puzzle minded, and, I realize now, we slowly discovered the concept of the metagame. That is to say, if one person was dominating one week, the next week some or most of us would have a deck that directly opposes the way that person was winning. We were adjusting our strategies based on what we expected to play against.

Around this same time, my friend Aaron convinced me to play in my first tournament. We took one of my usual decks and tweaked it and tuned it a bit until we felt like it was worth playing, and we took it to the local game shop. I got owned. Like totally bent over. But you know what, I learned a lot. One of the biggest revelations: cards that have drawbacks can be built around. That is to say, up until this point if I saw a card that wasn't all up side, I would write it off. Playing in the tournament, with a higher caliber of player, I saw lots of cards being played that had some sort of drawback and usually, it wasn't that bad for the one who played it. They had built their deck so that it could minimize the drawback, or even benefit from it. The revelation was like the realization that you don't need a pick to play guitar, or that grabs counter blocks in a fighting game, or working out until your muscles burn actually makes them grow! All of a sudden there was a whole new level of strategy to learn and understand!

The other major thing I learned from tournament players: how much control you really have over the luck factor. I was amazed at how consistent their decks were. They seemed to be able to execute the same strategy, with the same cards, game after game after game. The key was playing 4 copies of the key cards. Actually it gets deeper than that. Tournament players quickly learn the concept that the number of copies you play directly relates (with amazing reliability) to how often you will draw it. In an average game, if you play 4 copies you will draw 1 or 2 copies of the card very frequently. If you only need to see one copy, but drawing two is still ok, you can get away with 3. If you absolutely only need to draw one copy, and probably not until the late game, you play two. One offs are usually only played if you have some kind of effect that lets you search the deck, or if it's a sort of stalemate breaker card. The other important thing is to correctly balance your land vs spells. If you draw too many land, you don't have anything to do. But if you draw too few, you won't have the resources to play your spells. Usually the correct balance is to play about 24 land in a 60 card deck. On average you will draw about one land for every two spells as long as you shuffle well.

These are trends that you really only start to notice when you play competitively. What's the main difference between competitive play and casual play here? Records. In tournaments you keep track of your results. At the end of the night you can say that your deck won x out of y games. And you can usually recall things like "I won every game where I drew x card" or recognize when you needed multiple copies of a card. Keeping track of performance is one of the single biggest steps in transitioning to a competitive player. Why? Patterns.

This is how humans learn. By picking up on patterns. This is how we learn from our mistakes, or develop confidence in a theory. More importantly, discovering patterns feels really good. Let me stress this. For myself, and many people, when a pattern suddenly becomes clear, there is a rush of excitement. That's that "Eureka" epiphany feeling. But, if you are not looking for those, you will not get them. This is why many people can play a game and never get sucked into it. For me, if I play a game, any game, and I have a single moment of "Ah Ha! I get it now!" then I immediately want to play again so I can apply what I just learned. If that leads to more pattern discovery I get hooked.

This is the same feeling of getting into a groove that musicians will talk about when their are really progressing their ability, or when athletes have a breakthroughs in their training or techniques. And it is, I think, this questing for understanding/patterns/breakthroughs that sucks a player into the competitive mind set. It's a rush.

There's still more to come. Next time I'll talk about two of the most important keys to making progress as a competitive player (and in life): confidence and humility. They are more closely linked than you think. I'll also tie all of this back to the PCP, so stay tuned!

BTW

2009-08-21T11:54:00.001-04:00

Jeremiah found me a while ago but I thought maybe others would like to know, you can follow me on twitter. My name is g33kfish.

Kick ass!

2009-08-20T09:59:00.001-04:00

Keep kicking ass with those jumpropes guys! We want to end our 90 days looking like this:

Tiny update.

2009-08-19T01:45:00.003-04:00

Didn't quite get the finishing the next part of the magic post, on account of I kind of fell asleep when I got home. Now I need to get to bed again if I want to get up early and work out. But in the mean time, I went swimming by moonlight with some friends the other evening and when my friend Corin snapped a quick shot of me without my shirt and examined the result on her digital camera she exclaimed "holy crap! Your like, ripped! I had no idea!" Which was pretty freakin' awesome. So she had me actually flex for one. For you're enjoyment here are the pics she snapped.

The beach is over that way!

Yeah, we're badass!

The Magic - Part One

2009-08-16T21:07:00.002-04:00

As I started to write about why I enjoy magic so much, and what makes a pro player out of a casual gamer, I realized this was going to be a long one, so I'm breaking it up. Here is part one:

As all of you, I'm sure, have realized, Magic: the Gathering is a large part of my life. Games in general are very important to me and actually I think Magic is largely responsible for that fact. A lot of you have encouraged me to talk about the difference between a casual magic player and a professional, or at least highly competitive, player. To do that I think it's best to start by explaining what it is I love about Magic, and all games really. I think you'll start to see the divide emerge from that discussion, and also how it relates to my progress in the Peak Condition Project.

There are two types of games: casual games and competitive games. Let me explain how I determine these categories. Casual games are ones where there's only so far you can take the strategy. Usually these games have a fair amount of luck to them, or more extremely, they can pretty much be played without the players and still have an outcome. An extreme example of a casual game would be the card game "War." For the most part you could sit there with two decks and flip cards until they all end up in one pile. The game is still fun, and makes a great time killer, but there's no point in thinking about strategy.

Competitive games are those where there are maximum opportunities for the player to influence the game through skill, be it a physical or mental one. An extreme example of this would be Chess. There is no luck in chess. The game does not go without a player controlling the game pieces. The depth of strategy one can pursue to get an edge over the opponent is near limitless. Any sport would also be a competitive game in that it is almost entirely determined by the skill of the players.

Most games fall on spectrum of casual to competitive. Monopoly, for example, has a very strong luck element, but there are strategies that are applicable as well. It's also important to acknowledge that any game can be played in a casual or competitive manner. I know several people who put a lot of thought into their monopoly playing and there's also the hordes of Magic players that never read a single strategy article or even consider building a deck specifically to counter their friends' decks. Some people even play chess in a very casual way, slinging pieces willy nilly to see what happens when the smoke clears. Due to the limited strategic depth, I will not be talking much more about true casual games.

With games, as with many things, there is a progression of understanding. Most casual gamers focus on the tactical. That is to say, they think "what move is good right now?" A lot of time they'll make the choice of "what would be cool?" At some point, usually after you've played the same game several times, you start to have the thought "what worked well last time?" At this point you move from tactics into strategy, long term planning. This is a crucial point. It is at this point that you can start to think about the game productively even when you are not currently playing. Once this point is reached, there is no going back.

This is the crucial turning point where one begins to cross from casual to competitive. This is the point where a player is no longer just thinking about what will be fun, but is genuinely focused on how to win.

This can be dangerous however as this is the point when interest in the game is either deepened, or lost forever in frustration. How is it lost? Let me use the example of fighting video games, I'll use street fighter as an example.

The progression of a Street Fighter player has 3 levels in my mind, the button masher, the intermediate, and the master. The button masher is exactly what it sounds like: the player who knows, at most, the basic buttons, and basically just presses things at random. The next level is the player who has learned all the basic moves and is starting to figure out how to string them into combos and special attacks. At this point they have set goals, and they are always trying to use what they've just figured out, but their fluency in the controls is not yet there and they get a sort of tunnel vision. They have the knowledge but not the "feel" for the game. Finally is the master. The player who knows a character inside and out and can easily and fluidly string together combos and counters and knows intuitively without thought, what move to use when.

The intermediate player will almost always loose to the master. But they are usually learning new things when this happens so they are encouraged and their hunger for understanding of the game deepens (unless the master is a jerk). The intermediate will also loose, with frustrating frequency, to the button masher. They are expecting to play against certain tactics that are only used by other intermediate and master players. Thus, they are at a loss when faced with a random chaotic opponent. It is not uncommon for this player to get frustrated and give up at this point.

The thing is, once you start down that intermediate path, there's no way to turn that off. There's no way to forget the stuff you've already figured out. So you can't go back to being a casual button masher. You know too much. So the choice is to either keep going and push through the frustration, or give up on the game entirely. If you push through you will be rewarded with a the ability to properly apply what you've learned and be able experience the satisfaction of legitimately succeeding on skill.

This progressive understanding is what has me hooked on Magic. Understanding a new concept in Magic is just like the feeling of mastering a new guitar chord, or perfecting your lay-up technique. It's exciting, and satisfying, and it makes you wonder what's next!

District 9 ...

2009-08-15T00:42:00.003-04:00

... is one of the best movies I have ever seen. Period. Great Sci Fi uses the genre as a tool to highlight specific issues. It's been a long time since I've seen or read great sci fi, and this was it. Heart wrenching and exciting. And the action is some of the best I've seen in a while too. Go see it. Really.

Also, I had my final indulgence today. My parents and I drove down to Middlebury College to meet my sister who just finished up a super immersive 7 week language course in italian. So to celebrate that, and belatedly my birthday, we went to this place called the Storm Cafe which I was apparently the only one in my family not to have been to.

Though I was full of intent to indulge, as I scanned the menu the first thing I was aware of was that all the gooey, cheesy, greasy, "unhealthy" sandwiches and stuff just didn't look that appetizing. But, I went with "the Dude." It was basically a glorified BLT with cheddar cheese. I have to say, it was delicious. There honestly wasn't all that much that was bad. It was fresh bread, fresh veggies, low fat mayo. Pretty healthy except for the bacon. Oh and the ranch dressing. Still, I figure it counts for my indulgence.

I didn't notice anything unusual about the actual act of eating, or how I felt except that I had kind of a hard time eating it all. Even though it was probably a smaller quantity of food over all compared to my normal PCP lunch.

The real indulgence though, was my beverage. I had the first beer I've had in almost three months. For this I selected a Circus Boy from Magic Hat Brewery, complete with a slice of orange.

The aroma alone when it arrived was glorious. I've been around beer during PCP and not been at all enthralled by the smell, but knowing I was going to drink this one made it somehow different. I took a fool three deep breaths of the heady vapors before allowing it past my lips.

The first sip was rapture. The wash of the cold beer across my tongue was so crisp and yet kind of dirty at the same time. The earthy taste of the malt, the bitter hops. Everything was as good as I hoped it would be.

As wonderful as it was, I actually didn't even finish it over the course of the whole meal. It only took a few sips before I could feel the buzz, as little as it was. That right there was enough to have me consuming the drink very slowly. It was actually kind of nice to be able to enjoy the beer without feeling any sort of drive to have another.

Let me make one thing clear, before PCP I loved beer. Beer and coffee. As in, one of the worst dreams ever was one where I was told I could never again drink coffee or beer. Well, I've had coffee still on PCP, but not beer. So my first beer was something I'd been looking forward too. But I really like the fact that as delicious as that was, I don't feel like I have to have one. But I could still probably enjoy one here and there.

I only look awake online.

2009-08-13T09:26:00.002-04:00

So I was lying in bed this morning with my imac playing music at me to try and get me out of bed and trying to tell myself "just another 20 min, you can do the work out after work." All of a sudden I hear the sound of a new chat window. See, as part of my alarm clock program (Aurora for those interested) I have it programmed to automatically launch Adium at the time I'm supposed to wake up. This way I will appear awake online and if someone tries to chat with me I'll have to get out of bed to answer them. Well nine out of ten times it's just my buddy Kurt from Peace Corps (who lives in Japan now) and I just ignore him. But this morning it was Patrick.

As if he could read my mind he was all "Yo! Get your lazy good for nuthin' ass out of bed and give me 50!" I'm paraphrasing of course, but basically he was callin' me out. Well, it worked. I got up, chatted with him for a minute, and then got outside and did the whole workout. I found a way to jump without causing my ankle pain (keep both feet stuck together and it's like one ankle supports the other) and got through eveything else. Now it's breakfast, make my lunch, and head to work.

My point is, man I wish I had gotten the chat part working earlier. I needed that kick in the ass Patrick. Thanks!

Sad Trombone.

2009-08-09T08:28:00.003-04:00

Well, I didn't do nearly as well as I had hoped yesterday. My record for matches played was 3-3, though officially it's 2-4 on the books because I played at the wrong table for round 5, which meant I got a match loss for being a "no show." Man that was a kick to the junk when I got called up to the judges table, cause until that point I was still in contention for prizes, even if not for the Pro Tour invite. Rather than drop I figured I'd at least play one more round, but ended up loosing while sitting one table up from the bottom. Not good for my ego. Still, I pulled a $20 card out of my door prize packs, so I at least got my entry fee back.

I blame a lot of it on the fact that I only got 4 hours of sleep the night before. About halfway through the tournament I was feeling pretty tired and kept having some gas pains (For some reason I wasn't farting as much as I normally have been). Still, I attribute the fact that I was still able to play at a reasonably competitive level (I avoided joining the "I was killed by Progenitus" facebook group (It's ok if you don't know what that means)) to the PCP and the fact that I am in great shape, and was eating good food regularly throughout the tournament.

So yeah, lost more rating on that, and when I got home I pretty much just made dinner and went to bed. I was literally in bed by 9:30. Great for sleep, not so great for my jumps this morning. Whenever I sleep for more than 8 hours straight, I tend to wake up with a bit of a headache. It's very very minor, but man did jumping up and down make it suck. So after about 50 jumps I said screw it, I'll try again after work.

Bryan, you and Patrick have gotten me addicted to Radiolab. I am flying through the episodes (much like I flew through Zen is Stupid when I discovered that one). I'm listening to the one you linked and I have to say that what they have to say about contact rings very true to me. One of the things I love about magic more than anything else is the community. At least once a week, usually twice, I have a group of people that I spend my evening hanging out with. We all compete and encourage each other, discuss the results from major pro tournaments and their effects on the metagame, and a lot of us even go and hang out in bars after the tournaments (or I did pre PCP). We also support each other in our hobby. We lend cards when we need them for decks and trade rides to tournaments. It also extends beyond magic. I have, in fact, asked one of my magic buddies for a ride to the doctor's.

I would also go so far as to say, that to an extent, this sense of community is something I got from WoW as well. All the relationships were online, but so are all of my relationships with my fellow PCPers. Just instead of raiding dungeons, we discuss fitness. I still feel like if I were to show up randomly in one of your towns, I'd have someone who could help me out if I needed a place to crash, or just to show me around.

When I was in Niger and would feel the absence of WoW, or Magic, it was more the communities that I missed. Certainly I had my fellow Peace Corps volunteers as a group, and my Nigerian friends, but those groups didn't have specific shared activities like my magic community and wow guild did. I think that's why I have had such a hard time when I try to date some one and they don't have any hobbies or things they do aside from work and hang out with friends. There's nothing to share, to exchange, to learn, to teach there!

Also, if you don't get the title, click here to see how I felt when I got the match loss.

Awesome!

2009-08-08T05:34:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I bought myself a shiny new jump rope. It's a "speed rope" and is a little bit shorter than my old one (which I always suspected was a little too long) and the actual rope part is much heavier. Well, first morning with the new rope today and I pulled off the crossed arms maneuver for the first time!

This gives me a pretty good feeling for the day as I am about to head up to Canada for a magic tournament. I've been agonizing over what deck to play and I've decided to go with one that may not be the most favorable, but I know how to play it like the back of my hand. I have seen this deck post some major top 8's recently, so I know it can win against the expected field, I just have to play really well, which I know I can do more so with this deck than anything I try to pick up last minute.

But, clearly I am awesome today, so wish me luck!

Respect my Prah-or-eh-tah!

2009-08-07T00:35:00.003-04:00

I was having a chat this evening with Patrick (I finally got the chat working) and I started talking about priorities. Specifically what I've learned about them since starting PCP.

It came about because I mentioned that I hadn't picked up my guitar once since PCP started. Instead of making excuses or even berating myself for not playing, I've been amazed with how I've been kind of ok with it the whole time. It feels more like missing a good friend than having neglected a job. The reason is because I know exactly where it lies on my priorities.

I have not been putting off guitar, nor have I been desperately trying to find time to play it. It just happens that I've placed it just far enough down on my priorities list, that I don't quite get to it. That is, given the amount of time I have, I have always made the conscious choice to engage in some other activity, and so the guitar waits. I've had opportunities, but I've put other things first.

And that's what I've learned. To own my choices in priority. I don't have anyone to blame for not doing something but myself, and I don't blame myself for simply making a choice. It's like not blaming myself for choosing PCP as the reason I have been deprived of cake. Nope, just a choice like any other. Also, I'm not as upset as I feel most people would be because I know that the time will come for guitar again. As the competitive magic season dies down (at least in the formats that I play), or when PCP ends and I can cut down the work out a bit, there will be time.

There's plenty of time to do one thing at a time and do it well. It's all about priorities.

Don't be a dick.

2009-08-05T10:14:00.002-04:00

So for the last couple days I trimmed one set off the jump ropes and did some extra sets of arms or abs instead of floor jumps in order to take it easy on my knees. I am pleased to report that they seem to be back to full strength again. No more pain when I ride my bike up hill to work or do my jumps.

Also, some further thoughts on my birthday. I actually wasn't all that upset about not doing much. Honestly, I think that it was another case of confronting societal programming, which is exactly what we've been doing this whole time on the PCP. In this case, the only thing that was bringing me down was the fact that society expects me to go nuts on my birthday. Why? What makes that day any different that going out and getting wasted or pigging out doesn't have the same ill effects it has the rest of the year. I felt bad that I couldn't go out on the town and have 2 or 3 or 20 beers because society expected me to do those things. But the truth was, despite the encouragement of my fellows to cheat on "just this one day" I really didn't want to cheat. I wanted to continue to eat well, and do my work out.

So I went and had some sushi, which is a special treat but still (mostly) PCP safe. Then I went and saw a movie with a friend of mine. That was enough. It would have been nice to see my family members, but they'll still be around on other days. It shouldn't have to be some arbitrary "special" day in order for us to get together. So really, when I focus on what I am actually feeling and not what I'm supposed to feel, it was a good day and I did exactly what I wanted.

And now, a brief rant:

So the other day I was at work and a customer came in with a pair of headphones that had stopped working. He'd had them for about 7 weeks. Now, our return policy is 15 days. It seems short I know, but in order for us (being a small local business) to not just eat the cost of the product, we need that time to be able to return it to the manufacturer and get a new one or get a credit back. So we simply can't take things back beyond that and not loose money. Our return policy is also plastered everywhere. On the counter, on the receipt, on signs, on our website. Everywhere.

Now these headphones were still covered by the manufacturer warranty, as noted on our website. So I told the customer that we couldn't take them back, but I would look up the warranty information and contact info for him. Now, the page for the company took forever to load on the computer. So the customer was left staring at me who was left staring at the screen. This is where he started getting rude. He pulled the "my company spends x thousands of dollars here" card. He basically threatened to not give us a future sale over this pair of headphones. He even tried to point out how paltry $30 was compared to the money he would spend. Here's the thing though, if it's so paltry, why is he so upset to lose $30. We are not a large company. As much as losing that money hurts him, it hurts us too.

My real point though is the fact that he was intentionally trying to make me feel like the asshole. What pisses me off is that I see this all the time, and I know that it is mostly just show. The people aren't really that upset over random product (most of the time). But they know, that in our American culture, the customer does not have to take responsibility for anything, and that if they make a big enough stink they'll get what they want. So they don't think twice about the fact that I am a real person they are pushing around, and that their behavior really isn't anything short of abuse.

I'm pretty sure that most, if not all, well meaning religions started with the same principle: Don't be a dick. That's it, nothing fancy. It's when you start adding caveats and special cases and such that it gets all fowled up and lost. But "don't be a dick" is how I try to live. And it occured to me, after dealing with this customer, that there is a simple way to find out if you are living to this standard. When you get home at the end of the day and just think for a second about your interactions with other people. Now, ask yourself "how many people did I make feel like shit for no good reason?" If your answer is anything but 0, you are a dick.

Honestly, I'm ok with it if you are. Just don't lie to yourself and tell yourself you are a good person if you were able to answer this question with a number. In every situation, there is a skillful way to deal with even frustrating situations and still treat the other party with respect and empathy. Try to find that way.

Just don't be a dick.

So it's my birthday...

2009-08-03T19:25:00.002-04:00

... and I find myself with no idea what to do. I had to work, which was whatever. And my family is all otherwise tied up with stuff (which was unexpected but happens). So now my plans of dinner with the folks have fallen through and I have to improvise.

Well, normally I'd rally a bunch of friends for a drink, but I don't drink at the moment. And most food I'd go out to eat is not PCP friendly. So... maybe a movie? Kind of short notice to invite anyone for that sort of time commitment.

Most frustrating of all though is the fact that, oddly, I don't really mind the idea of not doing anything. That's actually what I think frightens me most. Am I getting old? I'm only 26, that's shouldn't feel this unexciting. But it is over the 25 "I should be an adult doing adult things now" hump.

Odd. Never has a birthday felt like such a non event.

Magical cards.

2009-08-02T00:14:00.002-04:00

Woo! Caught up on sleep! (He says as he is staying up past midnight again). I ended up coming home from work on Thurs and passing out. I woke up just long enough to make dinner and then went back to bed until 9am Friday morning. This means I skipped the workout on Thurs, but I think sleep was more important at this point.

Now that I am well rested I should talk about last weekend. First off, it was a blast. Anytime you can be around so many people with a shared passion it's a rush. I literally spent 5 days doing nothing but thinking about, talking about, and playing Magic. It was awesome. Sadly I didn't do particularly well in any of the tournaments, but I'm not terribly surprised.

I guess now is a good time to start explaining some of the elements of magic, so I can explain why I scrubbed out. You are welcome to skim ahead as this is going to get kind of geeky, technical, and non intuitive for a bit.

For starters, there are basically two types of magic tournaments: constructed and limited. Constructed is where you bring a deck of your own build to the tournament and test it against the decks everyone else brings. Limited is when you show up and either get a bunch of packs to build a deck out of, or you draft cards one at a time from a slightly smaller shared pool of product. In either limited format you then try and build the best deck you can with what you get, though draft decks tend to be a little less clunky since you can draft along the lines of a strategy and work with your neighbors to try not to fight over the same cards. But that's more than you need to know.

Most of the events I played in were constructed, starting with the last chance qualifiers the day before the main event: US Nationals. Aaron and I spent Thursday morning (the day of the LCQ's) building this funky metagame deck for me to play. When I refer to the metagame I mean the anticipated landscape of decks you expect to be present. We were building a deck that was not one of the established archetypes, but rather one that would, hopefully, beat the decks we expected to see in the highest numbers. It did an ok job, but being that we built it that morning, it's not surprising that it needed some tuning. Still, I managed to top 8 one of the LCQ's, though only 1st place gets the invite to Nats.

I also played in a Pro Tour Qualifier, and did marginally well until the later rounds. Again, it was a janky out of nowhere deck. Any success was impressive. The other big event I played in was the $3k draft challenge. This was a limited tournament where we were broken into pods so that we could draft cards from our 3 packs each (24 packs total at the table). I have to say I was pretty pleased with the deck I drafted. I think more than anything I was just outclassed by a lot of my opponents. Several of them were folks who had been competing in Nats.

If you skipped ahead you can start reading again now.

Even though I did not win anything, I definitely felt the influence of PCP on my performance. More than anything else, I never succumbed to the fatigue and hunger that can effect players during long tournaments. Many players fail to take into account how physically challenging 9 hour long rounds of magic really is. Despite the venue's best efforts, I managed to keep a supply of reasonably healthy food on hand and stayed fed and hydrated. More than anything, this meant I was able to keep a clear head and keep having fun all day.

The other thing I really noticed, especially in the draft, was how much I saw my game improving from one game to the next. Even if I wasn't playing much better, I was noticing my mistakes more. After every game I was able to scrutinize my play with more tenacity than before. What would have seemed previously to have been an unwinable game, I was now able to see I had actually made x y z decisions wrong and thrown the game away. This may seem like a let down but it's not. To me, seeing that I screwed up a game like this meant something totally exciting: I could improve!

Nothing excites me more than getting better at something. So when I fail and no matter how I look at it there was nothing I could have done differently to succeed, it really frustrates me. What then can I improve? So to be seeing my own game play with a new refocused lense, and see the elements that need improving, well that's just awesome. I think there is no denying that my physical condition is what allowed me to reach that mental state.

On a side note, today when I left work I noticed that my left knee was starting to hurt a little when I peddled my bike. I ignored it, got home, did my jumpropes and my work out, and then sat the the computer. Now, as I get ready for bed, it really hurts. it's fine if it's stationary, but if I move it or try to lift weight with it, man it hurts. I'm hoping some sleep makes it feel better. We'll see.

Also, good luck to all the Vermonters who made Day 2 of Grand Prix: Boston (Pro level Magic Tournament). I wish I could be down there with you (stupid work). Kick some ass for me!

Sleep Deficit.

2009-07-30T09:31:00.003-04:00

Man, I feel like I've been fighting this super up-hill battle trying to get back on track after Nationals. The biggest disruption was the fact that I stayed up all night the evening of our departure. I knew it was a bad a idea but our shuttle to the airport was coming at 4am and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to play a fun multiplayer variant with a member of Wizards of the Coast (the company that makes Magic). After reading Kelly's article that I linked to last time I can say it was worth it.

But trying to catch up on sleep again, and get my workouts in, and working extra hours (It's like everyone at work needs coverage this week) it's been super frustrating. I feel like I need to become a hermit for a few days and just tell everyone to fuck off while I get back into routine. Sadly I can't really do that for the biggest time suck, which is work.

On the flip side, getting back to PCP diet has felt amazing. It was next to impossible to follow the plan to the letter while I was in KC. Aside from one deviation ($180 dinner for three) I don't think I really ever ate anything that wasn't PCP approved, I just was not really able to way all my portions exactly. But I put in the effort to avoid eating the crappy convention food and mostly stuck to things like grilled salmon salads from the restaurant and stuff like that. It actually wasn't that hard to eat reasonably healthy as long as I payed attention.

Because of the sleep deficit it's been next to impossible to drag my ass out of bed in time to get my jumps in. Also, I don't get home from work until like 7 or sometimes closer to 8 at night, at which point I'm super tired from work on top of lack of sleep. It makes it hard to find the effort to both make dinner and work out. Though, last night I said fuck it and pushed through my work out at 1am and actually found that when I was done I was wide awake and actually got a couple of emails and stuff done. Though that didn't really help my sleep situation much.

Anyway, slowly climbing back into the routine. I'm going to try and go to bed early tonight and get plenty of sleep. I hate how skipping one night of sleep follows you for days. It's not something I noticed before, mostly I think cause I was never listening to my body this closely.

Home sweet home.

2009-07-28T08:47:00.004-04:00

Hey all, I'm back home now. I had a hell of a good time at nats, even though I didn't win anything. If you're interested you can actually read about some of the fun I had with Wizards of the Coast writer Kelly Digges in his article today: http://www.wizards.com/magic/magazine/article.aspx?x=mtg/daily/sf/49

I'm a little short on sleep right now though and have to get moving to work, but I will update later with details, I promise.

Salvation

2009-07-25T01:16:00.001-04:00

Holy crap! Trying to stay on plan while at this convention has been a nightmare. First there's the food. I've been pretty much eating restaurent food since I landed. I've managed to mostly stick to stuff that I know is safe, but frequently it's been impossible. I have atleast been very mindful of what I am eating and avoided resorting to a meal of entirely grease. It doesn't help that at every turn I hear the "fuck it! I'm on vacation" excuse being bandied about.

Today though, my friend griffin and I finally went And found a grocery store and a farmer's market. So I loaded up on fruits and veggies and cooked shrimp. I'm probably just going to drink my eggs raw as we have no way to cook in our room. It makes managing protein pretty tough.

Mostly the biggest challenge stems from the fact that once I register for any of the tournaments I'm pretty much locked in for five or six hours with no more than a five or ten minute break here and there. Not a lot of time to find better food than whatever they are serving in the hall, which has been mostly crap.

Oh well, I ate a pepper PCP meal tonight and feel much better now. Now Ijust need to find the time. To get my workouts back on full track.

Travel time.

2009-07-22T12:04:00.002-04:00

New pictures up today. The abs are starting to become quite visible. I'm psyched.

Also, today I fly out to Kansas City, MO to support my friend Aaron in the Magic: The Gathering National Championships. I'm also hoping to qualify via the Last Chance Qualifier (Meat Grinders) tournaments the day before the event. But if not there are lots of side events to play in including several pro tour qualifiers and grand prix trials. Wish me luck!

I'm definitely concerned about staying on the PCP while I'm traveling. The hotel where the event takes place (and where my friends and I are staying) has a fitness center so I'm not worried about finding places to workout, but sticking to the diet will be tough. Any advice from fellow traveling pcpers? I figure I can probably find a grocery store nearby and stock up on fresh veggies, breads, and maybe lunch meats for protein. Basically stick to a mostly raw diet probably as I'm sure I won't have access to cooking facilities. Or just order very basic meat dishes from the local restaurants.

I bought a ton of dried fruit for the plane ride so I'm not relying on their processed snacks.

Workout and Indulgence.

2009-07-18T23:43:00.002-04:00

First a work out report:

I totally slacked on day 45 and 46. I was definitely in a slump. Combine that with my workout getting pushed until way late (think post midnight) I just didn't have much get up and go. I ended up skipping a couple of the exercises, adhering to Patrick's hierarchy of importance of course. I was also careful not to skip working the same muscles on both days. That is, I skipped my legs on day 45, so I made sure I at least hit those on 46. I do wonder, when faced with a late workout like that, which is, in theory, more important? The workout or sleep? My guess would be sleep, but I have to wonder.

Anyway, I have hopefully snapped out of said valley and really pushed the burn yesterday and today. That said, I always find it discouraging when I can't complete the sets as given to us on the workout sheet. In particular I struggle with push ups and pull ups. Friday's suggested 4 sets of 8-10 pull ups saw me actually doing 7 - 3 - 1 - Fail. I finished up the last set with inclined pull ups, but it's still disheartening. Also, doing push ups right after chest dips has forced me to go back to push ups on my knees for all but the first set. It seems my personal victory of 2 sets of 10 real pushups was short lived.

I have noticed, however, that other exercises have gotten smoother. Not easier, per se, just smoother. For example, our return to squats this week actually felt explosive the first time I did them. It felt like in the preceding week I had replaced my legs with bionic pistons.

Next up: Indulgence

I get my daily emails a day in advance in the evening. When I got "tomorrow's" email and saw that we get indulgence number 2, I decided to utilize it. I had just finished a day long magic tournament and was ready for dinner, but didn't feel like cooking. So I went to Kountry Kart Deli and ordered a large Rise and Shiner. I used to love these sandwiches. They were a staple of my Saturday Magic tournaments, even. This sandwich contained bacon, egg, cheese, and hash brown on a sub roll. Total grease bomb. I could not resist using my indulgence on one of these as I was walking home.

The first bite was amazingly delicious. It was every bit as good as I remembered. However, after about 5 bites, I started to get a headache. I shit you not. Only 5 bites in and it started to get to me. It was delicious, but my body immediately started giving me all the "this is not good for you" signals. I ate on anyway. By the time I finished it, my head hurt, and I felt kind of queasy, and very tired and sluggish. Basically, I felt hung over.

It actually really surprised me how quickly it set it. My PCP meals always leave me feeling full but energized and ready to be active. This just made me feel icky. Also, there were no veggies on it. By the time I got home I was ravenous for vegetable's... for food! I scarfed a half a cucumber. It was so refreshing and mad me feel a bit better. After about a half hour I managed the effort to tackle my work out too.

I still feel kinda woozy. So now I head to bed to hopefully sleep off this poor excuse for a meal. It was delicious and I could see myself enjoying maybe a half of one on occasion, but man, it feels like I've been drugged.

Amusing.

2009-07-15T08:14:00.002-04:00

I found a piece of spam in my inbox today that started off like this:

"Dear Sebastian,

....if you want to lose weight (whether it's a lot or a little),
this is something I really think you ought to look into."

I had to laugh, as obviously it's gonna miss the mark with me. Continuing on:

"...That's because instead of relying on magic or super-human feats of willpower, this actually makes it easy for you to make the right food choices and get motivated to exercise.

So what is this tool?

It's clinical hypnosis in the form of a 4-CD set created
by a major league psychologist, Dr. Roberta Temes."

Man did this crack me up. The lengths people will go to to get "easy" results amazes me sometimes. Not that I don't think hypnosis has it's place as a valid practice, but I think I'll stick with my "superhuman feats of willpower" and hard work.

The valley of introspection.

2009-07-15T00:02:00.004-04:00

I was reading Gwen's post upon the completion of her PCP today. What she had to say about loneliness really struck home for me.

I tend to identify very strongly with the communities that I'm a part of. In college I had my friends from my dorms, I had my friends from Magic, I had my World of Warcraft guildies (I consider those friendships just as real as the ones in meat space). In Peace Corps I had my villagers, and I had the PC/NGO community. Now I have my Magic community (again) my friends from college, my coworkers. All of these communities very much influence my identity. The Magic Seabass is a little bit different from the work Seabass, who's different from college Seabass, etc.

My point is that while I anchored myself in these communities, I still move between them. No one group of people sees the full me. More importantly, other parts of myself will eventually creep in and, I feel, put at a distance from those around me. Inevitably, the loneliness creeps in. Sometimes it can be quite depressing.

I think I'm starting to figure out how it works. Basically, there's some part of me that is not content to just carry on. I push for change, either in myself or my surroundings. Most of the communities I fit into revolve around something fairly constant. Obviously that's what binds us together. But I keep doing something or introducing something that changes me profoundly, causes me to grow suddenly in some wild direction, while those around me grow together in some steady direction and pace. It all means I never feel like I quite fit in.

Peace Corps was one of these profound changes and I've never felt quite at home since I've been back. I was actually apprehensive about starting PCP because I was afraid that it would change me equally drastically (and I think so far it is having that effect). I'll stop beating around the bush and admit that a lot of this has to do with relationships. When I left Peace Corps I had been dating a fellow volunteer who is an amazing human being. She definitely thought about things on the same level that I did, but she was different enough from me in so many ways that it really brought out parts of me that don't often come out. Good parts.

Needless to say we are not in a relationship anymore, but since I've been back I have had tremendous difficulty in meeting women who I can really connect with on that sort of level. (For those of you who listen, this is exactly what Gwen and Patrick were talking about in Zen is Stupid this week.) There's already a fairly small subset of people who would even consider PCP. By completing it, am I putting myself further out on some obscure branch only to look back at everyone still clinging to the trunk? By adding another layer, am I making it that much harder for myself to find true companionship with another human being? The kind of companionship that comes from shared experience and understanding?

I don't know. But I know that it's lonely out where I have to decline invite's to hang out because "I still have to work out and make my food for tomorrow." Honestly, it doesn't feel like a chore. That's what I want to do. But it's also lonely.

This post has gone on more than long enough and has put into type more than I anticipated. I'll post it now before I decide it's too open. This is the kind of introspection the valleys bring out in me.

Side effect?

2009-07-14T19:13:00.001-04:00

Does anyone else find they've been extra gassy since starting pcp? I seem to just fart a lot more. I's this a consequence of the diet perhaps?

Just wanted to put that out there.

Early Morning

2009-07-13T08:42:00.002-04:00

Thanks Patrick for the tip on early morning jump ropes. For the early part of the project I was getting up to at least get my jump ropes in before lunch, but I was slacking for the last couple of weeks. With that extra little push of motivation I've been able to get up and do them first thing again. I like it that way because in addition to them being the secret tech, it get's me energized for the day.

I have to say, it amazes me how Patrick's emails are almost always exactly what I needed to hear, or what I was going to ask about, on that day. Seriously, uncanny. It makes them fantastic motivators.

Another great motivator, a couple weeks ago a couple of my friends told me they were considering doing a PCP. I don't know if I believe they will actually sign up, but one of them has already started adding parts of our workout to his normal routine, especially the jump ropes. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Though it didn't stop there. That evening we were discussing the PCP and they had me show off some of my new muscles. One person told me, with full sincerity "I've been working out for about 3 years, and I have not seen the results you've had in 3 weeks." I was floored. And that was 3 weeks ago.

Space.

2009-07-12T23:25:00.002-04:00

I cleaned my room today. This may not seem important or PCP related, but it is. Space is important. The spaces we inhabit reflect on us, and influence us. For the last several weeks my room has been incredibly cluttered. The debris of my business covering every possible surface and filling every nook. It's no wonder I felt like I had no space in my schedule when I had no space in my space. Hopefully by taking control of my surroundings I'll feel more in control of my time and feel more on top of managing PCP, work, magic, and all the various social/personal obligations that fill in the gaps.

This new control starts now with me going to bed before midnight!

Peace.

Apparently we are saving ourselves.

2009-07-12T18:37:00.000-04:00

http://science.slashdot.org/story/09/07/12/216240/Swine-Flu-Kills-Obese-People-Disproportionally

Workout tunes.

2009-07-12T08:50:00.003-04:00

For a while I was listening to some of Scott Sigler's audiobooks during my jump ropes. But yesterday I discovered the Radio Three Sixty podcast. It's tag line is "Music for Strange Moments" and it's perfect. I can't really explain what the music is except cool, but here's their sort of mission statement page. Either way, I dig it. Whatever you want to call it. Check it out.

Internet's back.

2009-07-10T15:58:00.002-04:00

Also, Lunch:

A little chicken breast, some lightly sauteed vegetables with garlic, basil, and some other tasty spices, and all on a bed of spicy rice. Plus some left over potato.

The system is down.

2009-07-10T11:26:00.002-04:00

Just want to let you all know that my Internet has been down since yesterday morning. Eight now I'm just using the wi fi at a local cafe on my iPod touch. Turns out it makes a fine substitute laptop, though obviously not great for long-form writing, so I'll keep this short.

Workouts are going pretty well, though for some unexplainable reason I haven't been feeling wiped out at the end like I was for a while. I think I need to just step up te intensity and push through it a little bit faster. I may be resting a little bit too long. I will keep you all updated, especially when my intarwebs are working again.

I will say it's been kind of nice not having the web in the house though. Gets me back into myself like I was in the peace corps. It's too easy to loose your sense of place when you are connected to the global consciousness.

Fear the daa addiction. It is a real thing.

WTB moar hrs/day. PST THX

2009-07-08T08:37:00.001-04:00

(Translation of above WoW trade slang) I would like to buy more hours in the day. Please let me know if you can make this happen. Thanks.

Choice vs Temptation

2009-07-05T00:28:00.003-04:00

Today was tough with the unscheduled bouncing from party to party. I feel like I managed to stay on diet for the most part though. All except for two things. I had a very very small amount of strawberry daiquiri (which except for the rum was actually totally PCP safe) and I had a cookie.

I thought long and hard about this cookie. It was a bacon and chocolate chip cookie baked by one of my coworkers. The offering of the cookie in the first place was a catalyst for a conversation about PCP and what it is that I am doing. I explained about my diet and everything, and how there was nothing good in that cookie, nutritionally speaking. Some of my co-workers sympathized and encouraged me to stay on plan. Others saw it as a fun game to try and persuade me to eat the cookie. In a way, I feel like I beat them both.

I did not give in right away to the tempters. Rather I presented many arguments against the cookie and actually resisted temptation the entire time they were vocal. However, later in the party. I chose to eat one cookie. I think that is important that I resisted, and then made the conscious choice to try the cookie. What is the point of getting into peak health if it doesn't mean I can't enjoy the occasional and unconventional treat when it presents itself.

All weekend I have been tempted by BBQ, and greasy fries, and fried dough and such at various July 4th events. All of it called to me. All of it I resisted. But this bacon and chocolate cookie intrigued me enough that I chose this one instance to deviate from the plan and try something new that I had not encountered before. And I only ate one.

Does this count as cheating? Probably. But I feel like I demonstrated the level of control over my food choices that the PCP is about. I think this is what Patrick expects us to get out of our indulgence experiences (Though I already had my indulgence with popcorn at Transformers 2). It's like, after resisting to a point, I was no longer "giving in" but rather "choosing to enjoy" something that I knew was bad for me physically, but made my taste buds extremely happy.

Also, the Daiquiri was made by my boss, so I couldn't refuse totally :-P.

Back Satan!

2009-07-03T18:45:00.003-04:00

Update: I sucked it up and did my workout. I resisted the temptation to let myself down by wussing out. Damn you Patrick and your motivational emails. I mean, thank you for helping me not be a lazy bum and crap out on my exercises. I will do the jump ropes after 3rd of July firworks (those are easy and fun and I would not be able to sleep if I missed them).

Vicious cycles.

2009-07-03T16:11:00.002-04:00

I really like working out in the morning. I don't feel like I'm squeezing it in, it gets me pumped for the day, it's a peaceful time of day, and it doesn't loom over me all day (not that I don't want to do it, but it lurks as this extra hour of stuff I still have to do before I can sleep). Lately though I've been stuck in this vicious circle where I stay up late for a random reason, which means I sleep a little later, so I can't work out. However, most days of the week, the next chance I get to myself if not until like 10pm or later. So I stay up until midnight or even 1am working out, which means I can't get up early the next day, and so on and so forth. It's kinda sucked.

Well, last night I forgot to take my ADD meds before bed, so it wasn't until 11am that I even came close to getting out of bed. Now clearly my body needed the extra sleep, which is fine. But without my meds I am only capable of moving at the speed of an arthritic slug for about the first hour of my day. Seriously, getting up and taking a crap takes a lot of willpower. So needless to say I did not get to my work out this morning. Now, somehow, I managed to pull or strain something in my neck during the first hour just while eating breakfast/sitting at my computer. I'm going to try and get the jumpropes in (if my neck stops hurting), but I think in the interest of getting myself back on a good cycle I'm going to postpone today's workout and do it on Sunday.

I hate it when I basically scrap a morning like this. I feel like it's the one part of the day I reliably have just to myself. Sleeping in and being super groggy has also thrown off my diet for the day as I basically skipped straight to lunch. All in all, today is not a great day for PCP, but I will find the silver lining and take it as a "whoa, need to reset the cycles" day. Take it easy, and catch up on stuff. I'll try and get all my grams in too, but they may be a little differently distributed, making up stuff with later snacks/meals, etc.

Still here. More to come.

2009-07-02T10:21:00.002-04:00

I'm still here and going strong. Fascinating interview on NPR with the guy that Matthew linked from the NYT the other day. I may have to buy his book.

I have a post about some very positive feedback I've gotten lately, but I've been busy. Look for it tonight.

Hooray for friends, and a movie review.

2009-06-28T21:43:00.003-04:00

First off, I have to say that on Friday I was thoroughly impressed by my friends. On two occasions that night, a different friend each time, they kept me on track. First, after the usual Friday Night Magic, a bunch of us decided to stick around and do a draft as practice for Nationals. As a result of an unexpectedly prolonged evening, myself and others found ourselves quite hungry. I had not planned for this and had no food. As I watched many others partake of several ordered pizzas, I started making plans. "Well, if I just have the crust, that's just like bread...right?" and "I could use my indulgence right now...on shitty pizza." My friend Jeremy heard me ask if someone was going to eat their crust and called me out on it saying "isn't that, like, terrible for you?" He was right. And so I stuck to my guns and declined the pizza.

The second time came about because I hadn't yet done my jump ropes for the day, and it was now midnight. I started muttering that I might just skip it, what's one day? My friend Aaron immediately jumped on my case and said no! I had to do 1200 jumps before bed! He was right, and I toughed it out and stuck with it.

Friends rock, even when they're half taunting you to break your routine.

Now, a movie review. I went and saw Transformers II yesterday, which has been getting scathing reviews. I loved it. I used my indulgence for popcorn (nothing wrong with that Sean.) as popcorn at movies is part of the whole package for me. It was delicious. Also, the movie. Now that was an indulgence. So much fun.

I figured out what the critics have been doing wrong. Yes, the character development of the robots was slim to none. Yes, the human characters, while more interesting, spent a lot of time running from explosions. And most of all Yes, the plot was contrived, cheesy, and full of holes. Here's the thing to keep in mind though: So was the plot of every single one of those cartoons. And most other cartoons from that era. And you know what? I loved. You know what I loved about those cartoons? It wasn't the plot, that's for sure.

The plot in those shows, and in this movie, is like a corn chip. It is merely a delivery mechanism for the juicy, sweet, spicy, filling salsa. The only thing that those old cartoons needed to have happen for myself and other grown up children to enjoy them again, is they needed to look better. I feel pretty confident that this movie is exactly what I would expect if all my friends and I had grown up into film makers and said "hey, we can remake our old cartoons, but this time with cooler graphics, the robots can swear and kill each other, and there can be hot chicks in it too! How can it not be awesome!!!"

And awesome it was. So all the critics out there berating the movie for a lame excuse for a plot... just pretend you are 8 years old again. Then you might get it. It doesn't need to be deep. It just needs to be cool.

Workout progress.

2009-06-27T10:42:00.003-04:00

Got a full morning work out in for the first time in about a week. It was a little hard to get motivated, but once the jump ropes were done I sort of accidentally started the rest of the work out. I just sort of moved from one to the other without really paying attention. Still, the workout was tough. Here's a run down of how it went, since I haven't done an exercise report yet.

Squats were fine, those are old hat now.

Rowing was similar.

Pushups: it blows my mind that I can do 2 full sets of 10 real pushups now. Crazy! I had to go onto my knees halfway through the third set and for the fourth set though.

Double Katana: This was tough. Like, borderline impossible tough. I actually found I could only do two when I was actually standing on the band. So I used the door mount at around mid-calf height and found that this made the exercise doable, but even so I couldn't quite complete the second two sets. So i did a fourth half set.

Shoulder Fly: Tough but doable. 3 x 12 reps.

V-Sits: After the first 3 or 4, each sit-up was like a punch to the gut. They totally knock the wind out of me in a similar fashion. I get sort of stuck exhaling until maybe a second or two after I'm horizontal again, then it's a purely reflexive long deep inhale. I also feel these in my lower back a lot more than other ab workouts we were doing. I think this is what causes the wind to get knocked out of me.

I had no idea that more core muscles were so week. I don't know if these sit ups should suck so much, but it definitely feels like they are effective.

Also, I really like that jump rope has become almost meditative for me. I get a nice even burn in my calves and thighs, but I don't get winded the way I did when I started. If you had told me when we started at just 250 jumps a day that I would eventually bang out 1000+ like it was nothing, I would have called you crazy.

Some General Thoughts

2009-06-26T15:49:00.002-04:00

When this project started, the workouts were tough, but not nearly the beating they've become in the last week. Where once they left me feeling invigorated and pumped, now I tend to finish up as a puddle of Jello. Especially Planks. That shit is tough. I had no idea my core was so weak. I would say I hope those get easier, but knowing Patrick, he'll switch us to something even harder the moment it starts to become "not so tough."

Keeping up with food has also been a challenge. I've been successful, pretty much across the board, but it's hard to find the motivation to not just make the same things each day. I guess mostly, I'm blown away by how much I have to plan ahead to be able to eat the right things. Gone are the days of just saying to myself "I think I want X" and then going out to eat it.

However, it makes basic life a little more challenging, and a little more satisfying at the same time. It reminds me very much of Peace Corps in that way.

Dice and Badasses

2009-06-25T08:14:00.008-04:00

After Patrick's recommendation two days ago that we use some sort of counting method that's not just keeping our sets in our head, I decided to use one of my primary geek tools to do the job. So pulled out a 10 sided die (or a d10 in the proper parlance) and rotated it to the appropriate number after each set. It was great, though not ideal for a few reasons.

1) Sometimes it takes me a while to find the next number. Sometimes as much as 15 seconds. That's just annoying.

2) It is small and easily rolls to the wrong number.

3) It is small and not terribly satisfying to denote a completed set.

So last night while I was at the local game shop for a Magic tournament, I picked up this baby:

You can see my computer mouse on the left there for some scale. This is a d20, but it's big, heavy, and the numbers are sequential. And I love the fact that I am using the ultimate nerd object in an activity so rarely associated with geekery.

Also, I want to share with you the true inspiration for my PCP, since Sean was kind enough to tell us the story of Rufus. I don't have any pictures or videos for you, but a passage from one of my favorite books, Snow Crash. If you are at all a fan of cyberpunk then you need to read this book. The main character is a sword fighting, computer hacking badass named Hiro Protagonist. This passage is just after he meets the main villain, Raven, and really nails the thought process that lead me to PCP:

Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.

Hiro used to feel this way, too, but then he ran into Raven. In a way, this was liberating. He no longer has to worry about being the baddest motherfucker in the world. The position is taken.

For me, those thoughts didn't end at 25.

Some quick boosts.

2009-06-25T00:39:00.003-04:00

The other day I was doing my jump ropes in the parking lot behind my apartment, which is shared with the bicycle shop next door. My landlord (who also owns the bicycle shop) came out of the store and as he was leaving shouted to me "Your too fit!" I laughed lots.

Last night, as I was jumping rope again (same parking lot) I turned around to rotate the 10 sided die I use to count my sets (a gamer through and through) I was startled to realize I had an audience. 4 of the neighbor kids and their friends were all gathered on the neighbor's back porch and were watching me. They started asking me why I was jumping rope (the answer being so that I would be super healthy) and if it was hard. They were impressed by how many I was doing and offered to help keep count. They were probably all like 6-8 years old. It was pretty freakin' awesome to see the way they were clearly impressed. I love kids.

Today my roommate ordered chicken wings from Wings Over Burlington. I seriously used to order wings like once a week. It was bad. They are so delicious though. Anyway, I turned away to go up and finish my workout just as the roommate who ordered wings started saying things like "Oh, I could do it..." to the other roommate and as I rounded the stairs I heard one of them say, "Yeah, but that's some impressive discipline." It made me feel pretty badass.

Bottom line, we may not look different yet, but people notice.

Deviations

2009-06-21T09:47:00.002-04:00

So last night, after I finished 3rd in my magic tournament, I was invited out to dinner with a bunch of my friends (including the tournament winner). While I had packed a lunch for the tournament, I had not planned this far ahead. Never one to be antisocial I joined them. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I figured "Hey, tacos are basically just some meat, veggies, and a carbohydrate container...I'm pretty good at eyeballing my grams now and I can just go easy on the cheese.

Well we went, I declined the margarita, and did not partake of the chips and salsa despite being ravenous at this point (waaaaaay to salty). I ordered pretty much standard tacos with chicken and a side of rice. Once it arrived it was clear to me that this was clearly not really good PCP food. Still, I was starving, and if I didn't eat now, it was going to be a while before I could get home and cook myself some food. So I ate what I considered to be enough to fill my dietary needs and no more. This left maybe a third of the food on the plate.

What really struck me, was how unimpressed I was by the dish. Everyone was saying this was the best Mexican food in Vermont (A claim which I give to Bernie's in Montgomery Center anyway) but After the first bite or two, the flavor seemed kind of, overdone? I don't really know how to explain it. But honestly, by about halfway through, I think broiled chicken and steamed veggies sounded more appetizing. Also, as we left, I noticed that I felt fuller than after a PCP meal, but less satisfied. I felt heavy. The food clearly did not sit as comfortably as one of my own, extremely unexciting, meals. It actually wasn't until I got home and started doing my workout for the day that it felt like any of that overstuffed feeling was starting to go away.

All in all it was a very interesting experience and I'm kind of glad I slipped up a little, cause really, I think it makes dining out like I used to less tempting.

A lot of eggs.

2009-06-19T13:09:00.002-04:00

Workout today was good. 900 is a lot of jump ropes. I've been trying to break it down into sets of 200 instead of just 100 as that seems to make it go by a little faster. I can get through the first set usually without any trips. After that though, depends on how tired/eager I am. Somewhere around jump 400 I start to feel the burn in my calves, which incidentally, are already noticeably more defined than pre PCP.

The rest of the workouts are pretty smooth now. Not that I mean they are easy, they still burn like hell, but I feel like I have a good idea of what I'm doing, and I get a pretty constant burn through all of them. I bought a 5lb resistance band to do the davinci's and shoulder raisesas my 15lb one that I bought first, I couldn't even get one rep up to the appropriate height. I still use the heavier one for rowing/ovations/curls though. Speaking of which, the outside curls made that little bump on my elbow pop again. I found that if I just don't release the arm quite all the way down, it's fine. This also actually keeps the muscles more heavily engaged the whole time, so is probably better anyway. Later today I plan to install my new pull up bar, so I can start doing real pull ups.

As I was perusing my various Magic strategy sites after my workout (trying to play at the obscene standards that I hold myself to takes a lot of time outside the game as well) I stumbled across an interesting article. This appears to be the launch of a new column that I will probably follow quite eagerly. What struck me about this article is that it absolutely nails what I love about gaming, and why I feel it is relevant to far more than just my leisure hours.

One of the things that you'll notice is that he compares Magic, and games in general, to other meditative activities, such as yoga, as something that "stills the writhing mind." This is absolutely true for me. When I play magic, that's all I'm doing. My mind is not focused on any of my outside stresses, and is completely absorbed in playing the best game of magic I can play. This also happens to me in other games. When I play a fighting game that I know well (the best example for me is Soul Calibur II on Game Cube) my mind is almost completely blank. All the combos and maneuvers I execute are no longer coming from conscious thought and execution, that would be too slow to respond, but rather from some deeper intuition that does not take the time to verbalize itself in my mind. That is to say, there is no inner monologue, I am just in the game. This must be what people talk about when they refer to being "in the zone."

My point is that you should all at least look at this article because for me a lot of the things it points out, I see manifest when I am doing my workouts. I think I am also already seeing the effects of PCP in heightening my mental magic game. This weekend there is a sealed (that is you get a bunch of packs to build your deck from) Grand Prix Trial to earn some byes for Grand Prix Boston later this summer. I'll let you all know how it goes and if I think PCP helped me at all.

Also, I might finally be getting tired of eggs. They're still fine, but I'm nowhere near as excited to eat them as I was. 5 a day is a lot.

Hungry again and weird elbow bumps.

2009-06-18T22:23:00.003-04:00

The beginning of this week the exercises were definitely a challenge. Today though, man did I feel the burn. A fair number of the exercises I couldn't get more than the minimum number of reps on all but the first set. Totally intense, but man did I feel like a badass at the end of it.

Switching to the real pushups made me notice something interesting. During college, I dislocated my elbow. For a good long while I couldn't fully extend it, but now I just can't lock it. That and it healed with some extra bone on the outside of the joint end of my lower arm. A few weeks ago I gave it a good solid bump and noticed a visible bump that I couldn't decide if it was new or not, but it was slightly moveable. Well, doing the full pushups, my arms kind of naturally rotate a little bit, and when they do, that bump catches and then pops back into the join. Not painful, but holy crap does it feel odd. If I focus and don't let my arms rotate so much, it doesn't do that. Also, all of this means that my left elbow tends to stiffen up a lot quicker than my right during the exercises.

A week ago, my diet seemed insanely huge. Today, my dinner of lean steak, baked potato, and steamed zuccini left me still wanting more. I guess that means my metabolism is getting suitably ramped up. It's hard to find time at work to get my morning and afternoon snacks in though, since I only get one half hour lunch break. On the days I get up super early and get my workout done in the morning I just eat my snack when I get to work, and eat the other before I head home. Other days though, I have to kind of grab bites of it here and there. I've started keeping a bottle of that Kefir drinkable yogurt stuff so I can get my yogurt portion quickly, and I'm pretty good at sucking down a hard boiled egg in under a minute. Still, bits and bites over the course of the morning seems to be the way to do it.

This post is kind of rambly now, so I'll sign off for now. But yeah, rock on everyone! Feel the burn!

Temptation

2009-06-17T17:19:00.001-04:00

In the last three days people have been brought in cake, donuts, and now cookies to snack on. I really want a cookie. They are mint milano. I will resist though.

Added Benefits.

2009-06-16T23:00:00.008-04:00

Several months ago I got turned on to this financial monitoring service called mint.com by one of my coworkers. I've been using it for some time now to track where my spending goes. If you haven't checked it out before I highly recommend that you do (www.mint.com). Among other helpful things, it will automatically generate these nifty little graphs and charts of where your money goes, as it automatically categorizes all your purchases (though you can change them if it gets them wrong).

Anyway, my point is that I was poking around today and notice something entertaining about my food expenditures for the last month.

Well, first let me show you what my average food spending looked like pre PCP:

Nothing I would consider too unreasonable for someone living in more or less the bustling metropolis of their state. Though I should point out that the alcohol portion is grossly underrepresented as this did not account for anything paid for in cold hard cash, just credit/debit card purchases. Alcohol should have been probably atleast twice that. Still, about half my spending was on groceries, the other half eating out. Nothing too outrageous, I always thought.

Now look at my food spending so far this month, all post PCP:

Holy crap what a difference. Almost my entire food budget spent on groceries to do my own cooking. And in this case the alcohol is probably spot on, as I think I only went to the pub once during the first week. Also, it looks as though my overall food budget (counting booze) will be lower than average. This is not what I expected with the huge quantities of food I've been shoveling in my face hole, 'specially with buying some type of meat almost daily to keep up with the protein requirement. All one of the nice side effects of PCP I guess.

Also, this project has actually gotten me cooking reasonably often for the first time since Peace Corps really. My excuse was always that's it's hard to just cook for yourself, but when you're eating like a family of four, that just goes out the window. Tonight I had cajun catfish with steamed spinach and a baked potato. There's extra spinach and potato in the fridge for tomorrow's meals, so all I have to do is pick up another chunk of animal for dinner and I'm set. Did I mention that I am going through almost a dozen eggs every two days ( 4 whites and 1 whole egg). Crazy. I'm digging it though. All this food I'm eating sits really well, unlike when I used to eat like 2 slices of pizza and follow it up with a few beers and some fries at the pub only a couple hours later.

Also I bought dates at the local coop today. Dried dates were always one of my favorite snacks in Niger and I hadn't had them since I've been home. They are super expensive here in Ameriki, but man are they as good as ever. Those may have to become a weekly or biweekly treat.

Stuff.

2009-06-15T22:55:00.003-04:00

I slept in today. I didn't intend to. I woke up to my backup alarm at 6:30 (I usually can wake up a few minutes before my itunes alarm at 6:00), I hit the snooze button, and then I woke up again at 8:00. This has happened a couple of times in the last week. I think my body is basically forcing me to get enough sleep. On all occasions I had stayed up until about 1 or 2, and that just wasn't going to work. Kinda funny how the body will over ride all of your own intentions if it knows better. Anyway, it meant I was kind of in a rush today to get my food together, and had to put off the workout until the evening. I'm still not sure if I like working out in the morning or after work better.

Also, today I bought two things for my PCP, a pull up bar (to be installed tomorrow) and an ipod shuffle. As the jump rope counts get higher and higher I find myself wanting to be able to listen to podcasts or music. However my workout shorts have no pockets, and I hate the silly armbands I would have to get for my ipod touch. So, I bought a shuffle today to just clip on the bottom of my t-shirt. It'll be great when I bike around town and stuff too actually. Plus, hey, new gadget!

Woo!

2009-06-14T14:18:00.003-04:00

Today I got through the first 200 jumps without miss! I did stop for about 15sec after the first hundred, more so I didn't lose count than because I was winded. The last 2 sets of 200 were a lot harder though and took a bit more willpower to get through.

Last night I went to a BBQ/birthday party with some friends of mine. It was the first time I'd been to a social event like that since being on the actual diet. Turns out, the average potluck bbq has a lot of stuff we can eat. I was able to have a sizable grilled chicken breast, and plenty of veggies in various salads. There was also plenty of bread products to choose from for my carbs.

I got some strange looks when I was offered a beer and declined. I'm known to be quite the social drinker and it was something new for my friends to see me turning down beer after beer. Still, I've been in that situation before, and it's interesting to notice how much less people tend to drink with just a single person of influence like that.

Slog, slog, slog.

2009-06-12T11:44:00.002-04:00

Wow, Patrick's email last night was spot on. Definitely hit a low point this morning. Well, it sort of started yesterday. I decided not to do my jump ropes in the morning yesterday. Just couldn't bring myself to get out there and do it. So I did the strength stuff and called it good. Before I knew it it was 11:30 and I still hadn't jumped. So I got out there in the rain and pounded out my 650.

This morning, woke up with a bit of a headache and really didn't want to do anything. But I did the mule thing, kept my head down, and got it done. Everything was just a little off today. First 100 jumps were fine but after that I had trouble getting through more than 20 without tripping up. It's amazing how lack of motivation can really effect your performance like that. I'd been getting good enough to get through as many as 200 without error.

Still, between Patrick's email, and reading everyone's posts, I'm able to keep pushing through. I'm already noticing some changes. Meals still look like a lot of food, but I am finding that I am hungry again by the next one now. It's a lot of food, but clearly I am using it. Also, talking to people about it helps a lot. Most of my friends just seem sort of amused that I am doing this to myself, but a couple seem genuinely intrigued and seem to be motivated to resume/continue their own fitness efforts as a result. That makes it easier to keep going.

On being full.

2009-06-10T12:18:00.002-04:00

I've only been awake for about 3 hours and I feel like I'm already being forced to think about my next food intake (morning snack). With a 3 meal + 3 snack meal plan, I basically am eating roughly every 2-3 hours. This is not unusual to me, as I normally start to feel hungry about 3 hours after a meal. But I'm eating so much with each meal that really, I don't feel hungry by the time the next rolls around. It's like the meals are just frequent enough that my usual snacking out of habit (as opposed to out of hunger) is preempted. I'm all ready eating by the time my body gets bored and decides I should eat for the hell of it.

That said, I don't feel gorged or anything. I don't have that Thanksgiving "please god no more food" feeling. I don't feel sluggish, or lethargic. If anything I would describe how I feel as just "dense." I feel solid. Between the muscle building exercises and a pretty full diet, I feel like there's a lot of quality in the space that I occupy.

The First Test

2009-06-09T15:28:00.004-04:00

As I have mentioned, I got a real taste of the kind of willpower this project is going to require this weekend. Two of my dear friends got married, and I was honored to be one of the groomsmen. Before I discuss the temptations I faced, let me first point out that I look damn good in a kilt.

Weddings. Like any American celebration, one of the key elements is food and drink. Lots of it. Being at the end of week 1 of PCP and still on the half diet, I was full of trepidation. I have never been so mindful of every bite in my life. Presented with an entire afternoon of non stop food, wave after wave coming from the kitchen, the hardest part is just maintaining a concept of how much you have eaten, thus far. Being a special occasion and all, I allowed myself some flexibility, but tried to keep focus and not just eat everything I could.

While there is no way I ate as little as I had been eating thus far, I think I did an impressive job of not giving in to the constant flow of food. I only made one trip to the buffet line, and made a conscious effort to take small amounts of each thing. However much I put on my plate that looked reasonable, I would take one scoop/slice/piece/whatever less. I also tried to space out my consumption. I had one or two appetizers when I arrived at the reception, then stopped. Maybe two hours later we had the meal proper and I had only one plate. I then let the cake sit on my table for a good long while before I finally dove in, and even then, I didn't finish the slice.

It was all delicious of course. I did not let my reduction of quantity impair my taste buds at all. If anything it was more delicious since I knew with each morsel I was not going to get a refill. So I enjoyed it while I could. Also, while the diet may not have been a 100% success, I did take my jumprope and pushup bars and was able to get my workout in every morning even though I was far from home. I felt really good about this and got some rather startled looks from some of my earlier to rise friends. They've never known me to be an athletic person.

In the end it was wonderful, challenging, and satisfying. Being able to move about at the after party without being overwhelmingly full like everyone else gave me a little twinge of pride. Though I was absolutely amazed when people at the hotel started ordering pizzas and hamburgers in the still fairly early evening. These were they same people I had seen going up to the buffet 2 or 3 times and piling in the appetizers in the beginning. My stomach definitely wanted more food, but it was also certainly not hungry in the way it is if I skip lunch or push dinner back an hour. Much like when I stayed voluntarily sober for 9 months and really started to see how much my peers drank, with my burgeoning PCP eyes I feel like I am really seeing how americans eat, and it's kind of frightening.

My lunch is enormous!

2009-06-09T14:22:00.003-04:00

Lunch blows me away with how large it is. Yesterday I got caught out shopping and (I must confess) purchased a veggie wrap at the local sandwich shop. I ate half out and the other half when I got home. Upon weighing the remaining half it seems to me that the whole thing was about right, if mostly a rough estimate.

Today however I set about making my own sandwich. In case you hadn't guessed, sandwiches are kind of my staple lunch. You just can't fuck em up. Anyway, I weighed out my ingredients and realized I would have to make two sliced bread sandwiches to fit it all in. Two!

This is my half way completed lunch. Jebus that's a lot of food. It would certainly look like less if it were in the form of, say, a single foot long sub. I'm going to have to invest in some grinder rolls for my sandwiches I think.

Part of my shopping excursion yesterday was to buy a new bathroom scale, also. I was most surprised to find that post workout I was registering a mere 137lbs. That's 10 lbs lighter than what I was getting on the scale at work. Granted I was fully clothed, but I did subtract about 6 or 7 lbs to take that into account. So, either I radically underestimate the amount of clothing I wear... or I have already shed between 6-10 lbs already. I have no idea where that weight would have come from if I have lost it, but there you go. I asked Patrick if this should change my suggested diet at all. I'll find out when he wakes up I'm sure. Gotta wait for Japan time.

Slooooooww Doooooowwwwn! -Mother Nature

2009-06-08T18:34:00.003-04:00

Ok I swear some time soon (read: next 24 hours or so) I will slow down enough to actually write a real post. Cause I definitely think the wedding experience is worth sharing. But for now I'll start with what I had for dinner.

I went with an old staple from my Peace Corps experience. I cooked a ton of pasta and stuck it in the fridge, so I can just measure out how much I need for my carb portion. Then I measured out my fresh veggies (today it was onion, peppers, and tomatoes) and sauteed them in a tiny tiny amount of olive oil. Once they were almost done, I added some canned tuna (it's just fish and spring water in the can and one can fills my protein req). The great thing about this is between the tomatoes and the tuna, you don't really need any spices at all. And it's quite tasty. I recommend it. And it's good cold for lunch the next day.

If you want a PCP challenge...

2009-06-08T00:19:00.003-04:00

Go to a wedding. I just got back from being in one of my best friends' wedding all weekend. I kept up with the exercises and made a valiant effort at staying on diet. I am tired now. More on the actual experience of the weekend later.

For Good or for Awesome

2009-06-04T11:48:00.003-04:00

Last night when I mentioned that I was on a half diet and explained the PCP to one of my good friends, he looked at me funny and asked what I was conditioning for. I told him that I was conditioning for Awesome!

Riding the Edge

2009-06-03T23:51:00.002-04:00

Over the past 3 days, I have eaten only enough in a sitting to make me feel not hungry. By only enough I mean precisely enough. No more, no less. Just to the point where I don't need food anymore. Sure I might still want food, but my body is basing this craving on old habits.

The result is I spend most of the day with almost that feeling you get when you've just worked for several hours and suddenly you remember that you haven't eaten in a while. You weren't hungry until that moment, but man food sounds good. It's a good feeling, because you are already feeling the anticipation of how good that first bite of a sandwich is going to taste, and then there's many bites after that. Normally when I feel this is when I sit down and inhale half my meal before I even know what I'm doing. Then I slow down and fill up.

What I have discovered is that knowing that I will not fill up changes the way that I eat, or at least changes my mental approach to eating. I've been more or less a practicer of active mindfulness for a while now. This was something new. As I bit into my half a tuna sandwich at lunch today, I consciously slowed down because I knew there was no more. If I just leapt to it I would be done eating in just a couple of minutes.

So I stopped, and bit down slowly. I carefully chewed the morsel of food, tasting the creamy mayonnaise, the sweet relish, and the oh so faint metallic taste of the fish. I swallowed. The feeling of that food sliding down my throat was so satisfying. I felt it all the way down. As corny as it sounds, riding this edge of hunger where I know that I have eaten enough, but my body with it's old habits craves more, it is not unlike riding the edge of an orgasm. The sensations were the same, if not equally intense. But I have that same longing to just finish it, I just want to eat until I am full! At the same time, the feeling of getting there is so delicious that I don't want it to end. Before the finish I am so beautifully aware of everything. Afterwards I know that I will not care about any of this anymore.

I may be eating less, but I think that I am really enjoying my food a lot more. This heightened mindfulness of eating is exactly the sort of awakening experience I love. It happened so many times over the course of my Peace Corps experience that I got hooked. I was expecting the PCP to be a similar experience, but I did not expect it this soon. It makes the hard moments (like resisting the bag of oreos at my friends house last night) feel all the better. This is life worth living!

Day 2, getting on track

2009-06-02T08:52:00.000-04:00

Holy crap I feel like I just don't stop moving lately. As of about the middle of last week I went from nothing happening to everything moving. I love it! It kind of feels like after the better part of a year of life moving at a trickle, I'm suddenly rushing downstream towards who knows what, but it's exciting, a little unnerving, and all very very good!

Just to give an idea of what I have going on right now (most of which I will write about at length at some point):

-Just moved into a new apartment.

-Maintaining connection with a very strange, sounds to good to be true, person who's trying to get me to work on a global social justice project (this will take some explanation as it's just too weird how it's panning out).

-Trying to apply to grad schools/looking for better jobs (like maybe one that's actually associated with a career)

-Working on qualifying for the Magic: The Gathering Pro Tour

-Peak Condition Project

The last two are my number 1 and 2 priorities this summer. But yeah, all this while also working full time. Crazy.

This morning's work out went splendidly. Did the jump-ropes in the parking lot behind my house and got significantly fewer odd looks from passing locals. I did notice that yesterday and today after the 3rd set I start to get kind of a headache type feeling in the right side of my head. Always the same spot. It goes away literally like 5 min after I stop, but it's still annoying as it makes the last sets a little unpleasant.

Lunges, pushups, sit-ups were all as easy/hard as I expected. That is, easy at first, but getting those last one or two are a push. I worry that I might not have found quite the right pushup position yet as I still mostly feel it in my arms. Patrick, any thoughts on this? Will it get better when I get some bars?

Goals for the next day or two are to actually bookmark/follow people's blogs in some sort of organized fashion so I can properly participate in the community aspect. Community is a huge part in everything I do. I find more and more that if I can't share something with others, I quickly loose interest.

Also, you may find it interesting to check out my blog from my peace corps experience: peacebass.blogspot.com. I've made a couple of posts since I've been back but i'd say it's mostly a dead blog now. Anyway, check it out.

Day 1 in the bag

2009-06-01T20:18:00.000-04:00

Whew, even though there's not a whole lot of pressure yet, just the declaration of "Day 1" really put me in a whole different mental place. I was just very much aware of how my physical self felt all day.

I tend not to eat a lot in one go anyway, so the idea of eating half of "not a lot" was kind of unnerving. I rarely eat a whole plate of food when I eat out anyway, so mostly today I made a conscious effort to eat a portion of what I would eat to feel full. In this way I just ate until I was "not painfully hungry." Which is kind of what I usually do, just more frequently than I did today. Maintaining a baseline feeling of mild hunger has really brought me to a very mindful physical state. I look forward to seeing how this progresses as mindfulness has been a huge part of my life since I came back from Peace Corps last year.

The exercises today were tough, but doable. Very similar to the sort of workouts I started doing in Peace Corps, minus the jump rope. Coupled with my daily uphill both ways bike ride to work, and the yoga I did yesterday, I feel pretty pumped. Hope that feeling keeps up.

Well, time to post a pick and make some dinner, I'll try to write a post tomorrow covering some of my reasons for doing this project. G'night all.

Yo its Seabass Baby!

2009-05-31T17:22:00.000-04:00

This is where Seabass will share his journey to Peak fitness!